“Why? Was he a jerk?” Simon asked.
“No. I had a hard time talking to him. You know how I get, and he was just so…handsome.”
“Hey!” Simon scowled.
“But not as handsome as you.” Toph chuckled, linking his fingers with Simon’s before turning to me. “Thanks, Ash. It sounds like he needs a friend, and I know for a fact that you’re one of the best. He’s lucky to have you on his side.”
“Thanks.” I hugged Topher impulsively, then picked up my iPad.
Two different conversations broke out at once. Holden and Tommy conferred over the plunger situation while George and Simon chatted amicably about their mom’s new client…or something like that.
I was about to call the meeting to order when Topher nudged my shoulder.
“One last thing. Be careful, Ash,” he warned in a hushed tone. “Jake or Blake might be a nice enough guy and perhaps a decent friend, but he’s deep in the closet. That isn’t going to change overnight.”
“We aren’t lovers,” I replied automatically.
“That’s not the point. He’s not out. No one knows who he is but you. And that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready to take a stand. I don’t want you to be disappointed by him…or anyone. You deserve the best.”
Topher patted my shoulder and moved to Simon’s side. A moment later, Holden called my name, tapping his finger to his wrist meaningfully, snapping me to attention.
“Oh. Right.” I reclaimed my chair and pasted a smile on my face. “Here, here! We have an agenda, boys. The plunger issue has been resolved. Anyone interested in tutoring the annoying tot down the street? Going once, going twice…”
Everyone groaned on cue.
We laughed about the neighbor’s antics, grumbled over the new street-sweeping schedule, and planned a bagel bonanza brunch for finals week. The room was filled with warmth, goodwill, and solid friends who would do almost anything for each other. I was grateful to know these men.
But I couldn’t help thinking that I should have felt a million times lighter now that my secret was in the open. I didn’t feel light at all. My angst had taken a new turn. Topher was right. Blake might have the best of intentions, but he had a lot to work through, and he had to do the hard parts alone.
I hated to admit it, but it wouldn’t be wise to be anything more than friends.
Friends. Only friends.
I processed that bit of wisdom, swallowing it like a bitter pill and slowly digesting it. Blake wasn’t the first friend I’d been attracted to, and he might not be the last. I’d been in this position before. Our deal hadn’t changed. Adding sex back into the equation wouldn’t make us anything more than friends with benefits.
I couldn’t do that with Blake. I liked him too much, and I knew myself too well.
So, we’d be friends.
I have good news. I’m free to be your friend. Guilt free, I texted Blake later that evening.
My phone rang immediately. “So does that make me the human equivalent of sugar-free ice cream?”
I chuckled. “Yes, exactly.”
“That’s a little disappointing. Everything sugar-free sucks.”
“That’s not true,” I argued.
Blake scoffed. “Name one thing.”
“Um…banana bread.”
“Okay, first of all, last time I checked, banana bread had sugar in it and second, it sucks. I don’t want to be banana bread.”
I rested my head on my pillow and laughed. “This is a ridiculous conversation.”
“I don’t think so,” he singsonged. “One minute you’re just a regular dude and the next you’re a loaf of banana bread. If I get a vote, that is not happening on my watch.”
“You can be something else.”
“I’ll be a brownie. The gooey part in the middle. What about you?”
“I’ll be a crispy end piece. But vegan.”
“Oh, geez,” he groaned.
“My mom is vegan. She makes a wonderful sugar-free brownie. I think it has avocado in it, but don’t quote me.” Silence. “Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m trying to work through the nightmare scenario of avocado messing up chocolate. I’m gonna need a Snickers bar to de-traumatize,” he snarked. “Hey, speaking of your mom…are we building another bookcase?”
“Yes. Are you free Saturday?”
“I will be after practice.”
“No game?”
“The schedule is a little erratic before CIFs. We have a big game Wednesday and if we win, which we should—we’ll play again Monday,” he replied.
“Isn’t school almost over?”
“Yeah, one month to go. Between coaching, teaching, grading, and preparing for finals, I’m going to need a vacation.”
I plucked at the corner of my duvet. “Are you going anywhere special?”
“I promised to visit my family this summer, but that’s it. You?”
“Oh, no. I don’t really take vacations.”
“Why not?”
“Um, well…I have to work,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“You have to or you want to?”
I squinted. “I want to. I don’t like too much free time. I get restless and bored and—”
“Whoa. That’s exactly what someone says when they really need a break. Dream with me here, Ash. If you could go anywhere in the world right this second, where would you go?”