Throughout the weekend, I fulfilled my promise to myself and didn’t change out of pajamas once. I moved from one set into a clean one, but that was the extent of my changing. I ate my way through the food from the vineyard and took notes on how everything tasted, what might be done differently, and which of the dishes I definitely thought should be featured on the menu.
By the end of the weekend, I had slept what felt like more than what I had in the last month, definitely eaten far too much and enjoyed every bite of it, and had new resolve. It wasn’t a mistake to accept Derek’s offer of this position, and I wasn’t going to let anything get in my way. Especially not Noah and whatever the hell was happening between the two of us.
That was why I walked onto the vineyard Monday morning with a renewed plan. The idea to avoid him completely clearly hadn’t worked out for me. It wasn’t going to be so simple as to just pretend nothing happened between us. So, I had to come at it from a different angle. We could exist in the same areas without us having to engage at all.
I just had to hope I could actually pull it off.
Derek still wasn’t at work, and when I called to check on him, I only got a pathetic groan from the other end. But there was enough life in that groan to tell me he was pulling through, so rather than worrying about him, I devoted the day to testing dessert recipes.
This was a far more daunting task as I was not a pastry chef. My training was all in savory, and that was where I felt my most confident. I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, and no restaurant was complete without at least a few decadent dessert options. I would just have to stretch my skills and adapt.
If nothing else, it made my new plan easier. There wasn’t enough space in my head to think about anything but getting the baking exactly right, and no one ventured into the kitchen, so I didn’t have to test my ability to cope.
So far, the plan was working out swimmingly.
17
Noah
I had absolutely no plans to speak to or see anyone all weekend. So, when Saturday morning dawned and I saw I had a missed call from Derek, I reluctantly ignored it.
Most of the day was spent in my pajamas, trying to distract myself from everything that wanted to roll through my mind and everything I knew I should be doing. Like keeping up with moving things out of sight and into the garage or to donations. It was what I was supposed to be doing, and what I had told myself all week I would accomplish that weekend, but I didn’t feel like starting.
Addressing the situation only seemed like it would make it worse. I just needed some time to not think.
When I went to bed that night, I noticed Derek had called again in the evening. He sent a text as well, asking if I was okay. I sent a thumbs-up emoji and put the phone on the charger, turning on “do not disturb” and closing my eyes. Hopefully that would keep him from bugging me anymore.
Sunday came and with it a little motivation to get some things done around the house. I got up, showered, shaved for what seemed like the first time in a while, getting rid of the beard that had been growing, and made breakfast. After that, I worked out, moved some more furniture and other things into the garage, and went for a walk through the woods again.
This time, the walk through the woods was more relaxing, and I felt myself getting closer to an answer. Clearly, part of me was ready to begin moving on. I had been motivated to move things to the garage and had clearly passed a physical barrier with Ally. While I didn’t want to think about her or what that all meant, I had to at least recognize that things were changing for me. I needed to come up with a game plan on how to navigate those changes.
While I was on the walk, Alex called, and I ignored his call as well. He didn’t leave a message or call back or text. Whatever it was he needed, it must not have been that important.
I came up with a plan, slightly modified from the one before. Decisions had to be made, and rather soon, or else I was going to muck everything up. I needed to go into work on Monday and act like a damned professional. I could go in, do my job, and get the work done and finished so I could get back to my own company. I could stay on as a contractor if they needed me to, but that was it. I would be done with the vineyard other than repairs they needed if they came up. I’d be a hell of a lot happier going back to building houses.