“Then what’s the reason?” she asked. I drew in a breath, but the words didn’t want to come out. “Ally? What’s going on? Is something wrong?”
“I’m pregnant.”
There were the words. They just burst out of me without introduction, without any kind of preamble or warning.
And there was nothing but silence on the other end of the line. Not that I was expecting much else. I probably would have done the same thing if the tables were turned and it was Holly telling me she had just discovered she was pregnant after an illicit encounter with her pseudo-boss.
I didn’t know what to say to her or if I was supposed to offer more information. So, I just waited. I gave her time to process it and figure out what it was she wanted to say.
“You’re what?” she finally asked.
Glad I gave her so much time to come up with that eloquent response.
We’d gone right back to the day I told her I slept with Noah.
“I’m pregnant,” I repeated. “I just found out.”
“You don’t have a stomach virus?”
“No. I went to the doctor because I hadn’t been able to shake it, and they said the timing didn’t make sense,” I said.
“I was thinking the same thing. Derek was sick too long ago for you to have gotten it from him.”
“Well, thank you so much for the heads-up. I would have appreciated a little bit of insight.”
“I’m sorry.” Holly let out a breath, and I could almost hear the gears in her brain clicking around on the other end of the line. “What are you going to do?”
“Talk to my best friend and hope she has some sort of brilliant recommendation to get me through this?”
“There’s only one thing I can think of for you to do,” she said. “You need to tell Noah.”
That made my stomach sink so low I thought it might split in half and wriggle down both legs. I leaned against the wall and tried to force the panic down with deep breaths.
“Tell Noah?” I asked.
“Yes,” Holly said without hesitation. “You know it’s the right thing to do.”
I knew it was. It was the only thing to do. I also knew I really didn’t want to. I was terrified this would cost me my job. But I couldn’t keep avoiding it. Not telling him would only get worse the longer I waited.
“Alright,” I said. “I will.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. I’ve got to go get back to the kitchen. Thanks for talking to me.”
“Of course. Let me know what happens,” she said.
“I will.”
I got off the phone and turned around. My heart stopped in my chest when I saw Noah standing a few feet from me, his eyes flashing with an emotion I couldn’t quite read.
21
Noah
I couldn’t have heard that right.
There’s no way what I thought I just heard was actually what Ally said. It had to be a mistake. I came in right in the middle of her conversation, so maybe I missed something. There had to be some other explanation than what I thought she said.
Only, I couldn’t think of anything she might have said that would be easily mistaken for what I thought I heard. What I knew I heard.
A baby? Ally was pregnant?
No. That was my whole reaction. Just, no. This couldn’t be happening.
Monica and I talked about having children. Even before we were married, we imagined what it might be like one day to have a family of our own. We talked about how many we might want, what their names would be, what it would be like to raise them together. That was something we carried in our hearts. It was also something we never got to have.
That was a plan I only had with her. Never with anyone before and never with anyone after. I couldn’t do that with Ally. I had only just started thinking the feelings I was having might be okay.
But this wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay to think about a baby being on the way with her and not my wife. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t handle any of it.
But there was no way to pull myself out of the situation now. I overheard her talking when I was walking past the courtyard, and I couldn’t help but hear her reveal the news. I didn’t know who she was talking to, but I could only assume it was her best friend, Holly. Derek told me the two of them were close and talked about everything.
If I hadn’t heard incorrectly and she really was pregnant, that conversation only made me angrier. I didn’t like finding out I was going to be a father after someone else. No one else had the right to know she was pregnant before me. This was our business, our situation to think about and decide what to do with. I didn’t want anyone else’s thoughts or feelings getting involved. Nobody else’s opinion should matter.