All In (Firsts and Forever 2)

“Deal.”

There was a (new) skillet heating on the stovetop, and he slid the vegetables off the cutting board into the pan, then grabbed the handle and tossed the pan’s contents in the air a couple times, coating them in olive oil. “Ok, that’s it. Our relationship is officially totally unbalanced,” I said as I hopped off the counter and came up behind him and slid my arms around his waist. “You’ve bought me furniture, you’ve taken me out, and our sex score stands at three-zip. And now on top of that, it turns out you have mad skills in the kitchen. I bring nothing to this relationship.”

He turned to face me and kissed me sweetly. “You bring me to life, Charlie,” he told me, resting his hands on my waist. And then he added, a little sparkle in his eyes, “And plus, you took me out once and I took you out once, so on that score, we’re completely even.”

I laughed at that. “Oh my God. Are you comparing me taking you to break in to my parents’ house to you taking me to a luxury box at the Stick?” He nodded, and I laughed again.

“Actually, the date you took me on was much more fun,” he said with a smile. “There wasn’t a single killer zombie lap dog at the football game.”

I ran my hand down his back and said, “Can’t I at least even up the sex score? Oral sex is one of the few things I can actually reciprocate. God knows I can’t cook or buy you furniture, so this is pretty much my one shot at evening us up a bit.” I smiled at him cheerfully.

He paused for a long moment, chewing on his bottom lip, and then said, “Actually, you and I need to talk about the whole sex thing, Charlie. There’s a lot you need to know about me.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Are you into all sorts of freaky stuff, so sex with you needs to come with a disclaimer?”

I’d been kidding, of course. But he broke my gaze and said, “Pretty much.”

Dante turned away from me and pulled the skillet off the burner and turned off the heat. He kept his back to me for a long moment, and I asked, “Seriously?”

When he turned back to face me, he said, his voice low, “I really should have told you this earlier. But I was having so much fun, and I wanted just a little more time with you. I didn’t want to scare you away so soon.”

“You think you’re going to scare me away?”

“It’s a given. Especially because I realized last night just how incredibly innocent you are.”

I met Dante’s gaze. There was such sorrow and such raw vulnerability in his eyes. It seemed totally unlike him. How many people, if any, had ever been allowed to look past his veneer, to see this part of him? I said quietly, “Please don’t make assumptions. Just talk to me.”

He looked down at the floor for a very long moment. And when he looked back up at me, he’d managed to pull his veneer back in place, any signs of vulnerability safely tucked out of sight. He seemed to be kind of bracing himself, squaring his shoulders, his jaw set. It occurred to me that he was preparing himself for my rejection, getting ready for me to balk, to…to what exactly? Laugh at him? Be disgusted by him? I really didn’t know what he thought was going to happen here.

When he spoke, his tone was low and level as he said, “Whenever I fuck someone, I need them bound, immobile, totally under my control. And before I fuck them, I need to beat the person I’m with. At the very least, I need to spank them, hard. But I really get off on whipping them. I literally…” he took a deep breath. “I literally can’t have sex any other way.”

I mulled this over for a long moment. Panic had of course welled up in me when he told me that, my heart racing. But right along with it was something else, something stronger – an aching desire. A need, for what exactly I didn’t know. I reached out and took his hand and said, “Show me.”

He looked up at me, startled. “Show you what, exactly?”

“Show me exactly what you need. Beat me. Tie me up and fuck me. And don’t hold back. I need to know if I can handle it.”

“How can I do that to you, Charlie?” he asked incredulously. “I care about you.”

A little half-smile tugged the corner of my lips, and I asked, “Haven’t you ever cared about a sex partner before?”

“No. Not even a little.”

“Oh.” That answer startled and saddened me. I said after a moment, “So, I guess it’ll be a first for both of us, then.”