Sailor Proof (Shore Leave 1)

Unlike some other deployments, the submarine force had very limited communication access. No cell phones, no swiping right, no mindless surfing of hookup sites. Hell, simply getting messages to friends and family could be challenging, let alone trying to conduct a revenge romance on the down-low.

“Call in a favor?” Calder quirked his mouth. He undoubtedly had multiple persons who would love nothing more than to pretend to be madly in lust with him.

“From who?” My back tensed and my nerves were still jangling from listening to Fernsby brag. “It’s not like my contact list is awash in friends with benefits or even friends period.”

“You need to work on that whole brooding-loner persona.” Calder clapped me on the shoulder, nicer now. “It’s not doing you any favors.”

“Why be the life of the party when I have you?” I laughed, years of shared memories flowing between us. Any social life I did have, I owed almost entirely to Calder. He’d even introduced me to Steve.

“I do like to bring the party.”

“You do.” Closing my eyes, I took another deep breath, trying to steady myself. I truly did not want to fight Fernsby even if my fist tended to forget that. “You’re right, though. Someone there, even pretend, would make me feel less like a fucking loser.”

“Exactly,” Calder agreed a little too readily, making my gut clench. Maybe I was that pathetic.

“But I’m not doing something stupid like an ad.” I cracked an eye open in time to catch him laughing at me.

“Of course not. You save your stupidity for fighting with officers.”

I groaned because he was right. “I’m not the personal-ads type. But who do you know? Surely there’s a guy into guys who owes you a favor whom you could loan me?”

I wasn’t too proud to borrow from Calder’s vast social network.

“Hmm.” Tilting his head, Calder narrowed his eyes, the same intense thinking he did when poring over the latest supply manifest. As a logistics specialist, Calder had a solution to almost every problem that could crop up, apparently my love life included. He muttered to himself for a few moments before straightening. “Arthur would do it.”

“Ha. Very funny. Try again.” I kept my voice down, but my laugh was a lot freer this time. Arthur. The nerve. I had to go ahead and sit on a bunk before I lost it laughing.

“He would,” Calder insisted, serious expression never wavering. “He owes me.”

I shook my head. Arthur. I’d known Calder’s family for a decade now, including his spindly youngest brother who was some sort of musical genius. And also terminally hopeless. “You want me to use your too-nerdy-for-band-camp little brother to make Fernsby jealous?”

“He’s almost twenty-five now. Not so little. He’s been out since high school, so no issues about a public kiss. And Haggerty said Arthur’s hot now. Kid went and got all buff in Boston.”

“Haggerty said that? And you let him live?” Our mutual friend did like them young and pretty. I had vague memories of Arthur having a riot of unruly hair, far redder than his brothers’, and big green eyes, but he’d been barely legal last time I’d seen him a couple of years back. And as I’d already been seeing Steve, and Arthur was Calder’s little brother, I hadn’t looked too terribly hard.

“It was an observation, not a request to go break his heart.” Calder kicked my foot. “Come on. It’s perfect. Arthur has always liked you, but he doesn’t like you.”

“Hey!” I should have been relieved that Arthur wasn’t harboring some giant crush, not indignant.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a catch.” Calder fiddled with the strap on his bunk. Everything got strapped down on a sub, even us. “But he’s always said he’d never get involved long-term with someone military.”

“I don’t blame him.” This was why I was never doing another relationship myself. Romance and the navy simply didn’t mix, especially not submarine personnel. We were bad relationship bets, and I could admit that.

“See? This is why he’d be good for this. He can fake it long enough to get Steve and Fernsby off your back, but it’s not like he’d actually date you.”

“Of course not.”

“Plus all that experience as a dorm RA has him good at shit like signs and banners and cutesy gestures. And he’s been back in Seattle a couple of months now. He’d do it.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually considering this. How are you going to get a message to him anyway?” The last thing I needed was anyone else getting wind of this ill-advised plan. There was no such thing as privacy on a sub.

“Trust me. I’ve got my ways.” Calder’s voice went from confident to hushed as voices sounded near the front row of bunks.

“Dude. Did you hear about Fernsby?” asked one of the youngest chiefs, a Nuke with a chipped front tooth and no filter. I couldn’t see him or his buddy but his surfer-boy drawl was unmistakable.