Sailor Proof (Shore Leave 1)

Bad. My buddies were crass and mouthy on the best of days, and having something to rib me about made them even more so, and that didn’t even start to account for the random comments from people I barely knew. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“At least tell me that your snake of an ex drunk-texted you all salty.” He sounded all proud of himself. Outside, the traffic finally thinned out as we made our way toward the canal bridge that would take us onto the Olympic Peninsula.

“There might have been a text.” I couldn’t hide my smile, and Arthur predictably chuckled. Steve jealous was a nice ego boost even if he had insinuated that Arthur was too young for me. Like he had room to complain. I hadn’t bothered with a reply.

“Knew it.” Arthur’s tone was triumphant before he shifted to more curious. “Would you have him back if he and Lieutenant Idiot break up?”

“Nope. Fool me once and all that.” Steve had lied. And lied again. And been an ass about the logistics of the breakup. And now seemed to delight in rubbing his thing with Fernsby in my face. “I’m out on relationships.”

“Other than the fake ones.” Arthur shifted in his seat, almost like he was worried I might change my mind and turn the car around.

“Other than playing pretend. Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you stranded or something. When I give my word, I follow through.”

“I know. Your trustworthiness is why my mom likes you so much.” Arthur sighed and stretched, looking out at the canal and the mountains beyond the wide body of water. “And see, this is nice. We can enjoy the drive, and there’s none of that tension about if we’ll last as a couple and what we’re gonna do later and all that.”

Speak for yourself. He might not be nervous about things like sleeping arrangements and being alone, but certain parts of my body were already tense and we weren’t even to the part with a space with multiple flat surfaces and a door that locked. But he didn’t need to know how his mere nearness affected me, so all I said was, “Yeah.”

“So where was our first date?” Arthur demanded.

“Excuse me?” Blinking, I kept my eyes on the road even though I really wanted to know what the heck he was after and if he was joking.

“We need a good story,” he explained with more patience than I probably deserved. Fake relationship. Right. Yet more details to manage. “People are going to ask, and if our stories don’t match, the gig is going to be up.”

Being found out might put an end to this fake relationship nonsense, but it would also be all kinds of humiliating. I’d had enough embarrassment for the decade thanks to Steve and then the viral kiss, so it was better to have a ready lie. “Okay. We went with Calder for food—”

Arthur cut me off with a pained groan. “Derrick. I’m twenty-five. Not fifteen. We most definitely did not have a chaperone. And surely we can do better than dinner.”

“Dinner is a no-go?” I didn’t have the most experience with dating, but dinner seemed pretty standard fare.

“It’s boring. And lacks romance. After that kiss, everyone’s going to expect some swoony story, not burgers and the latest big-studio action flick.”

Well, then. Maybe Arthur had unwittingly explained why my relationships had never worked out. But rather than confess my lack of a romantic soul, I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel.

“Okay, King Romance. Let me think how I’d impress a discerning date like you.”

“Hey, who says you’re the one doing the asking?” He yawned like my lack of game was just that dull. “Maybe I had tickets to a classic car show last time you were stateside.”

“Not a bad idea.” That he knew me well enough to suggest something fitting made me feel that much guiltier for tossing out dinner with his brother.

“Would you have said yes?”

“Uh...” I made a strangled sort of noise because I could picture it only too well. Us at some family event, me there with Calder, us making small talk, him making the offer. And me far more tempted than I would have ever thought a week ago.

“I don’t mean for real.” His sigh was so dramatic that I didn’t have to glance over to know he was rolling his eyes.

Yes. I would have said yes. And probably set about a path to tanking one of my oldest friendships. But even with his reminder this was all fake, I could still see the scene, taste the tang of temptation.

“Sure. It sounds fun.” I tried to match his casual tone. “But how about...” I wanted to impress him the way he had me, wanted to be more than some stodgy fun killer with zero romantic bones. “The zoo has these annual outdoor concerts. The music might not meet your fancy college standards, but maybe we took a takeout picnic. Something chocolate for dessert.”