Sailor Proof (Shore Leave 1)

He groaned. “Cheating is only cheating if it’s a deception. Had Steve simply told me he wanted an open relationship, I probably would have agreed. Not gonna say I’d love it, but I’d deal. I know several couples with nontraditional arrangements. Everyone copes with the separations and stuff in their own way. All I wanted was for him to talk to me.”

“So lying and bad communication skills. Got it. My other deal breakers are petty in contrast, but I can’t do an awful voice or laugh.”

“Like this?” Derrick did a terrible imitation of a thick New England accent, adding a braying laugh at the end.

“That.” I was laughing so hard that speaking was difficult. “Add terrible musical taste to my list.”

“I can’t blast bubblegum pop in our cabin?” Derrick made me laugh even more.

“Not if you want to live.” I took a moment to catch my breath. “Oh, and I don’t like being made fun of. That’s another deal breaker for me.”

“I know. And I’m sorry again for my band camp crack the other day. Was school really hard for you?”

Outside, the scenery was peaceful and calming, endless green trees and scenic vistas, a contrast to my churning brain. “School. Brothers. Cousins. It’s never easy being different. I found my people in college and grad school, but I still don’t like being the butt of jokes.”

“I hear that.” Derrick shot me a sympathetic glance before returning his eyes to the road. “I mainly kept my head down in school, didn’t come out until later. You’re kind of to blame for that actually.”

“Me? How so?”

“I had met Calder and he was talking about bringing me home for some holiday dinner, but he gave me this whole lecture about how his little brother was gay and he was bi, and if I had a problem with either of those things, I could just plant my ass on base. So I told him the truth and never really looked back after that.” The way Derrick pursed his mouth said that it hadn’t been quite that simple, but I was still strangely proud that I’d played some small part in his journey.

“Nice. I like inspiring you. Calder drives me nuts, but he’s always stood up for me when it truly counted.” The warmth in my chest faded into chilly dread as another thought occurred to me. “And you and him never...”

My stomach churned at the mere thought of them getting it on. Swallowing hard, I stared out the window at the increasingly mountainous terrain.

“God no.” Derrick’s laugh was harsh. “The only thing worse than one of your lieutenants stealing your person is a bad breakup with a crewmate. We never vibed in that way, thank fuck because intra-sub romances are destined to implode, usually spectacularly and with collateral damage.”

“See, this is the good thing about fake relationships.” Not wanting to reveal how relieved I was that he and Calder never messed around, I forced a more joking tone. “We get to decide our own no-drama exit strategy right now. Two years from now, we’ll run into each other and it will be a funny memory.”

Even as I said it, I hated the idea. I didn’t particularly want to see Derrick parading someone new around. Oh, he said he was done with relationships, but I didn’t buy it. No one who kissed like him was going to stay single forever.

“Yeah.” Derrick didn’t sound any more enthusiastic than I was.

Needing to lighten the mood, I turned the stereo up as one of my more iconic song picks came on, an overwrought eighties ballad, and I sang along in overly dramatic fashion until Derrick joined in.

We continued singing and sharing relationship pet peeves until the GPS bleated at us to take the turn for Lake Crescent, which had several different camps and retreat centers around it, including this one.

“Prepare for chaos now,” I warned. My muscles were tight from two hours in the car, and I was ready to stretch my legs, but not necessarily ready for my family’s onslaught. “Do you want a code word for if you need a break from all the socializing and pointed questions?”

“As far as they know, we’ve been dating a short time. Surely they’re not going to give us a hard time about a wedding or kids?”

“I saw that shudder, Derrick.” I laughed as the lake came more into view. I’d been here before, but the green-covered mountains hugging the blue water never stopped being impressive. “And you clearly haven’t been around the Eulers much. We’ll have to hear a half dozen opinions about small versus large weddings by dinner, at which time they’ll move on to the merits of adoption versus surrogacy.”

“Can’t you tell them it’s too early to say?”

“You try that.” My mother and aunts weren’t the type to give up easily. “They might listen more if I say they’re not getting invites to any hypothetical events if they keep it up.”