Sailor Proof (Shore Leave 1)

Arthur groaned at that, making me wince.

“Sorry. Not the most romantic answer, I know.”

“No, you’re all kinds of romantic and that’s the problem. Sex by itself makes it hard enough to remember I’m not supposed to be falling for you.” Stretching a leg out, he kicked at the faucet with his toe. “Dating would be like signing up for the heartache express.”

“Would it? I don’t want to break your heart, but I also don’t buy that that’s inevitable.” I didn’t even try to say that I disagreed that the sex was that good because it was. Every time we had sex, I fell a little more for him. Earlier had been among the best, most profound sex of my life, and I wanted more, precisely because it wasn’t simply getting our rocks off. This was the kind of connection people fought wars over, and I was going to fight for him. “And for what it’s worth, you’re not the only one with feelings in the game.”

“Damn it, Derrick. You make it so hard to do the right thing.”

“Maybe there’s not one right thing,” I countered. “I’m going to miss you like heck whether tomorrow is the final goodbye or six weeks from now or six months. Guess I’d rather stockpile some more good memories if it’s going to hurt when we part no matter what.”

“Look at you arguing for living in the moment and worrying about consequences later.” He laughed and rubbed his foot against mine. “You sure we didn’t accidentally swap brains?”

“Maybe you’ve rubbed off on me.”

“I definitely did that.” He snorted. “More than once.”

“See? You make me laugh. I think I need more of your goofiness in my life.”

“You do.” His tone had shifted from playful back to wistful, but I continued to hold out hope that he’d see things my way.

“I’m not arguing that I’m your forever guy.”

“No? I thought you were the romantic here.”

“I meant more that I know you don’t date military personnel, but I was hoping that maybe you could make an exception this once, keep me around until Mr. Forever comes along.” I did an admirable job of keeping my voice even, not revealing how much I’d like to remove Mr. Forever’s spine. Or how much I wanted to be him. That part wasn’t happening, but maybe, just maybe, I could have this for a while longer.

“It’s not some random rule.”

“I know. It’s dangerous work and then there’s the distance aspect. I get that it’s not easy to be in a long-term relationship with someone in the military. But I still see some room for middle ground here.”

“It’s not the risk or the distance as much, although that’s part of it. God knows I get wrapped up enough in my work that I forget about even my in-town friends. It’s not so much about being lonely. It’s more that I watched my mom take a back seat to Dad’s career, over and over. He’d forget anniversaries and birthdays, and she’d always cover for him. Bottom line is that the navy let him get away with being a crap husband.”

This wasn’t the time to point out that his parents were still together and that perhaps they saw things differently than Arthur. He had real pain and a real point here. “Hence your thing about not wanting to be ignored.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not going to lie. My career’s important to me. But I also don’t think it’s possible for me to ignore you, not like that. Not the important stuff. What happened to giving me a chance to practice being a good boyfriend?”

“You are a good boyfriend. The best.” Leaning back, he brushed a kiss along my jaw before shifting sexily against me. “I want to say yes, if only because my wish list still has a lot of items left on it.”

I met him partway in a lengthy kiss, and I wasn’t too proud to use sex to push my case. We were good together, too good to pass up a chance for more time together.

“Then say we can try. Dating. Or casual if that’s your preference. We can figure it out as we go. All I ask is that you talk to me. When you are ready to say goodbye, say it.” My voice got thick there at the end because there would be a goodbye, no matter what. That much was inevitable. Mr. Forever would arrive, and I would gracefully take a step back. And try not to remove the guy’s spine.

“I’m not going to ghost you. I’ll talk to you. I’m not your idiot ex.”

“That you most certainly are not.” I kissed him again, softer this time, before whispering, “You make me happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Admitting it felt like giving the universe the power to rip this away right now, but I also couldn’t not tell him how happy he made me. Even now, my pulse still hummed with the memory of him with the kids, singing and dancing, and the pride he’d inspired in me.