Arthur’s already fair skin paled further, freckles standing out more starkly. “Wow. Just...wow. Warn a guy before you do a speech like that.”
“Sorry.” Hoping I hadn’t gone too far, I shifted on the bed.
“No being sorry.” Sitting up, he leaned in to brush a kiss across my mouth. “I want those things too, but you can have those things and stay in. I’m not going to make you choose. I want to be your family to come home to whether you’re gone eight hours or eight hundred.”
“Wow.” Now it was my turn to be gobsmacked out of words to describe how wonderful he was.
He found my hand, held it between both of his. “I get you and music. You can have me and the navy. Promise.”
“You deserve a full-time partner.” I finally brought up the ravine that had always separated us, even when we’d carefully avoided its mention. “It’s what you’ve always wanted. And I want you to have that.”
Arthur quirked his mouth. “It’s true I always had a certain type of guy in my head as being what I was holding out for. But it turns out that what I was waiting for was you.”
“Okay, you’re pretty damn good at speechmaking too.” I kissed him hard and fast.
“You had a point back at camp that I probably could have found someone sooner, especially if I’d been willing to tone down my crazy hours and musical obsessions. But I wasn’t. I didn’t want to compromise.”
“You shouldn’t compromise on being you,” I said firmly.
“Exactly. And you shouldn’t have to either. I don’t love you in spite of the navy, Derrick, I love you because of it.”
“How so? You hate the navy,” I reminded him.
“I love you because you are loyal and disciplined and a great leader. Sure you’d be amazing in whatever career you want after the navy, but you’re also amazing in this one too and I don’t want to take that away from you.”
“It seems so unfair, asking you to make all the sacrifices.” I sighed and dropped his hands so I could scrub at my hair.
“See, that’s what I always thought. I figured that the people at home were the ones sacrificing most, but you’re sacrificing too. You give up a ton, and not only for me, but for others as well. So no, I’m not making all the sacrifices.”
I let out an audible gulp before digging my teeth into my lower lip. I was not going to cry, damn it. “Feels like I’ve already given up a lot. We both have. And I want to give you a home. The music studio you want.”
“Amazingly, that is possible whether you stay in or not. I’m not so high-maintenance that I can’t make my music studio dreams happen in base housing. And maybe you want to give me a place, but I want to give you the feeling. Home. We can be that for each other.”
“Yeah.” It was the only word I could get out, I was trying that hard not to let the tears fall. “I want that. And I am going to work on ways to be around more. Stateside assignments. Plans for if I don’t re-up or for after I hit my twenty. But not for you—or rather not only for you. For me. There’s a lot I don’t want to miss out on, including my own life.”
“You deserve to find your passion, Derrick.” He gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek, and that was it. A rogue tear escaped despite my better efforts to hold it back. “And it can’t only be me. You’re right about that. It has to be you too. Maybe it’s enough right now to say that we can be a team, figure out a future together. But finding your passion should be a part of it.”
“Kind of like you tell the kids—do you.” My voice was all choked up now and the temptation to bury my head in a pillow was high. Emotions were hard. “I want to figure out what it means to be Derrick, but I do think you’re key.”
“Good. And that’s what I’ve been trying to say too. I like who I am with you. It’s not who I am without you, but who I am with you and because of you.” His eyes were shining. Maybe I wasn’t the only one fighting to hold things in.
“But if you’re miserable—”
“That’s also a choice. I was kind of wallowing in self-pity at first. But then I discovered that I’m stronger and more resilient and less alone than I thought. Neither of us may choose the separations, but we can choose our reaction to being apart. If I had a bad attitude at first, that’s on me.”
“Well, maybe a little on me for such a crappy goodbye.” I bit the inside edge of my mouth.