Harvest of Love: Insta-Spark Collection

“Most parents would be proud of their child for doing that.”

“Oh, they were. They also realized I wanted a different path, and they supported me. Gabe wanted to stay on the farm and do what my dad did. Callie wanted to get married, have kids, and open her own restaurant—she always loved to cook.” I exhaled a gust of air. “I wanted to get the hell off the farm and live in the city. Wear a suit and tie. Have lots of money. I wanted all the trappings.”

“From what you said before, it sounds like you got it.”

“I did. I busted my ass, took extra courses, graduated early, and got a job as soon as I left university.”

“What did you do?”

“Marketing and sales.”

“And you were good?”

“I was the best. I worked at one of the largest advertising agencies in the country—they recruited me, and I worked my way up the ladder fast. I had it all. I was young, I made a ton of money, lived in a fancy condo, wore expensive suits, dated a lot of pretty women…” I trailed off, realizing how that sounded. “Um, sorry.”

Dani smiled and waved her hand. “That’s hardly a surprise, Noah. I mean, look at you.”

I sat beside her, leaning over and kissing her sweet mouth. “It’s part of my past. I wasn’t a manwhore or anything. I’ve never been like that. But I enjoyed playing the field.” Reaching over, I wrapped my hand around hers. “Until I met Bonnie. We became a couple. I was pretty serious about her—at least, I thought I was.”

“You thought?”

“She wasn’t the right one for me, and I only stayed with her because it was easier than breaking up. It took me a while, but I realized she was beautiful to look at, with nothing underneath. No substance, as I found out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. It was for the best in the end.”

“I see. Obviously, something changed?”

I had to walk again. Simply thinking about that dark time of my life made me tense.

“Life happened. Reality happened. I had worked my way through school without a break, then I started at the agency right after. I never took vacations—I rarely took a whole weekend. It was all about my career. I lived, ate, and breathed business. I worked all the time—even at home. I was connected to the phone or the laptop all the time.”

She shifted a little, and I wondered if she saw the parallels between us.

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

“I pushed too hard and overextended myself. I started having panic attacks, not that I knew what they were when they started. I’d feel anxious and upset, sometimes I’d break out in a sweat, but I shrugged it off as nothing, thinking it would pass.”

“But it didn’t.”

“No, it got worse.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“No. Not even Bonnie knew. I hid it. I went to the doctor, and he gave me some pills to take, suggested I try relaxing a little.” I snorted. “I ignored his advice and relied on the pills too much. I was a bomb waiting to explode.”

“And it did?”

“It got worse. The panic attacks were constant. I started having heart palpitations, I couldn’t sleep or eat, and I lost a lot of weight. I was so scared, and I felt like I was trapped. I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to.”

“Why didn’t you tell someone?”

I laughed. “Who was I going to tell? The doctor I had was happy just to give me refills on prescriptions, my girlfriend didn’t seem to notice or bother as long as I took her to the restaurants she liked and bought her presents, my boss only cared that I got my job done, and I had essentially abandoned my family.” I shook my head. “I had turned my back on their way of life, basically telling them it wasn’t good enough for me. I didn’t even have a close friend I could turn to. I got too busy for personal relationships. The one person I was closest to was my assistant, and our relationship was based on our working connection—not personal. I didn’t think I had anyone I could talk to.”

“Oh, Noah. You must have been so terrified.”

“At times, I was. Then one day, I had an attack so intense, I passed out. My assistant, Tom, found me on the floor beside my desk, out cold. My head bounced off the desk pretty hard. He thought I’d had a heart attack or something, and when I woke up, I was in the hospital. My whole family was there, and so was Bonnie.”

“And you told them?”

I shut my eyes, remembering their reaction as the dam burst. “I told them everything.”

“How did they react?”

I smiled ruefully as I recalled their reactions. “You’ve met most of them, Dani. It was like a call to arms. I expected them to tell me I deserved it, but of course, they didn’t. They rallied around me, insisting they would help get me back on my feet.”