“And your, ah, girlfriend?”
I sat down in front of her, pushing a loose curl from her face. I wrapped the thick strand around my finger, rubbing the silky texture and letting it slip back into place. “My mom and Callie refused to leave me, but they went to get some coffee while the rest of them went to the hotel for the night. Bonnie dumped me as soon as we were alone.”
Dani gasped. “She dumped you?”
“She was embarrassed that her boyfriend could be so weak. She thought, and I’m quoting her here, I ‘had more backbone than that.’ She was very disappointed in me.” I tapped my chin. “She told me she would have been so much happier if I’d had a heart attack. That, at least, was easier to explain to people.”
“Bitch,” she seethed. “You weren’t weak. You were overwhelmed and sick! You needed support!”
I stared at her meaningfully. She looked away, biting her lip. “This isn’t about me,” she murmured.
I shook my head. She was so wrong about that.
“How did you end up where you are?”
“I was put on medical leave—effective immediately. My blood pressure was through the roof, my levels all off. Basically, I was a mess and one step away from the heart attack Bonnie wished I would have had. I went to the farm with my family. I was still stupid enough, I thought I’d rest for a while, get my strength back, and in a few weeks, I’d return to my life.” I smirked at Dani. “Minus the soul-sucking girlfriend.”
“But that didn’t happen.”
“No. I discovered something when I was home. I found myself in the fields, working—out in the sun, running. I heard the quiet. Saw the beauty I’d never bothered to look at before. No panic attacks, no anxiety. I relaxed and remembered how much I loved being with my family. I got to know my niece and nephews more.” I stopped abruptly, feeling emotional. Dani got up and came over, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Tell me,” she whispered.
“I had an appointment to see my doctor—the one who had been looking after me in the hospital. The day I was supposed to go and see him—the day I’d been looking forward to, since it meant I could return to my life, arrived. But instead of feeling happy, the way I thought I’d feel, I only felt dread. I had another attack in my parents’ kitchen. A big one.” I drew in a deep breath. “Once I calmed down, I started to talk—really talk to my parents and, eventually, the rest of my family. I realized I didn’t want that life anymore.”
Dani’s arms tightened. “You had an epiphany.”
“My dad asked me a question. One simple question. He asked me to think of my happiest moment in the past year. One happy moment. I couldn’t come up with one. Then he asked me the happiest moment in the past three weeks. I couldn’t come up with just one.”
“So, you stayed.”
Turning, I pulled her into my arms. “Well, there’s more to it than that, but yes, I did. I changed my life and found peace. Happiness. A real sense of purpose.” I kissed her temple, nuzzling her hair. “And you.”
She snuggled closer. “Noah.”
“I just found you, Dani. I can’t lose you.”
Tilting her head back, she frowned up at me. “You see yourself in me.”
“Yes.”
“Noah, it’s different for me. I’m not under the same stresses you were. This deal has been rougher than most, but once it’s done, I’ll be fine.”
“And if it’s not?”
“It will be.” She wrapped herself around me again. “I’ll be fine—promise.”
I shut my eyes, fighting back the desire to shake her until she saw how similar the situations were. How close to the edge she was getting, and how scared I was she would fall over it and I wouldn’t be there to catch her. She was spiraling out of control fast, but she couldn’t see it. I had witnessed a couple of her episodes and they were scary to watch, and I knew they were mild compared to some of the ones she had. Things were going to get worse before they got better. All I could do was be there for her and hope she saw sense before it was too late. The more I pushed her, the deeper she would dig in her heels. I knew that from experience.
“Will you let me take you to the doctor’s next week—just to be checked out?” If I could get her in, maybe she would listen to someone with a medical degree. “I won’t push it until your meeting is done, but I need to take you once it is over.” I pulled her closer. “Please, Dani. For me.”
“Would it make you feel better?”
“Immensely.”
“Okay. I’ll call the clinic.”
“Um, I have a great doctor. He’d, ah, fit you in.”