Dirty Little Secret

“Hmm. Nothing.”

“You ready for dorm life?”

She perks up in her seat. “Yeah, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to meet my roommate!”

“You might be the only person excited about living in a small ass dorm room.”

“Samson.” She drags my name out in that way of hers that’s always made me smile. “I’m ready to have a social life.”

Guilt pricks at me. Between spending time with me and Orion’s overbearing ass, she never really had friends her own age. She just had... us. And while I was happy to monopolize her time, I also know I’m part of the reason she’s missed out on so much.

“Still majoring in education?” I ask, pulling into the small parking lot.

She laughs. “A lot changed while you were gone, but not that much. I think my parents would have a coronary if I told them I was majoring in something else.”

“Hold that thought.” I kill the engine, climb out of the truck, and race around to her side to open the door for her. “I think your parents would support you no matter what.”

She tilts her head to the right and then to the left. “Yeah, you’re probably right, but I really do want to do this. To teach.”

“You’ll be good at it.”

“You think?”

“I know. Some people are just meant for kids, and you’re one of them.” I always imagined we’d have a whole bunch.

Her sharp inhale lets me know I may have said that last part out loud. And it seems neither of us knows quite how to handle it.

“Soooo.” Stella lingers in the passenger seat, clearly feeling as awkward as I do. “Who’s hungry? Are you hungry? I’m hungry!”

“Let’s go.” I think at this point, I would gnaw my own arm to avoid this conversation.

Stella slides down from the truck and takes off across the parking lot. I follow behind her, wondering how it is such a tiny thing like her can reduce me down to a blubbering idiot.

It’s always been like that though. Stella Cartwright’s had me wrapped around her little finger ever since she fell out of that damn tree. And now that she’s a woman, I’m all too eager to let her stay. I just need to get her on the same page as me.

We grab a seat at one of the many eclectic tables and a waitress drops off two menus. We don’t need them though.

“What are you going to get?” she asks, pretending to read over the offerings.

“Two Q dogs, two orders of BBQ nachos, and a BBQ quesadilla.” Also known as the same thing we’ve ordered here since the dawn of time. And like clockwork, she’ll say it’s too much food and then proceed to eat half the nachos and one triangle of my quesadilla.

“You think we can eat all that?”

I roll my lips inward to smother the laugh trying to escape. “Mmhmm. I think we can manage it just fine.” And then I add, “We always do.”

“It’s so weird to me you remember these things.”

Even though there’s a very real chance she might slap me, I reach across the table and take her hand in mine. Her fingers stiffen before eventually relaxing under my hold. “I know you don’t believe me, but I remember everything about you... about us.”

Her shoulders slump as she blows out a puff of air. “It’s just hard, you know? I went to bed the night before my birthday thinking everything was okay. Thinking it was the turning point for us, that we were about to start the rest of our lives together and you...” Her voice breaks and my heart shatters right along with it.

“You just left. I woke up so excited. We were supposed to go to breakfast, but you weren’t there. I must have called a hundred times. It was like you vanished. No note, no text, nothing.”

Tears brim her long, dark lashes and not for the first time, I feel like an idiot. I’d kick my own ass if I could.

“I know I messed up, and I know it’s going to take a hell of a lot to earn your forgiveness.”

“Why did you do it?” she asks, her tear-filled gaze never leaving mine.

“You want the honest to God truth?”

Stella nods.

“Because I was an insecure idiot.”

“What does that even mean, Samson?”

“I kept thinking you’d be better without me—that I was holding you back, keeping you from experiencing all life has to offer.” I swallow, debating whether or not I should tell her about the things I heard her mother say.

“Why would you feel like that?” A lone tear rolls down her cheek, and I follow its path with my eyes until it drips off her chin.

“I let things get into my head, let them psych me out, and I left. I knew within minutes of leaving that I had messed up, but I was contractually obligated to finish the job I signed on to. I. Fucked. Up. But, Luna, I’ll never stop trying. You’re it for me and I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life to prove it to you.”