Every Other Memory

“No. I’m not on the pill,” she answers. “I wasn’t sleeping with anyone. I hadn’t,” she adds, and I kid you not, my cock aches at the memory of knowing that I’m the only man who’s ever been inside of her. Well, I was the first.

“And now?”

“No. I’m not— I mean, Hazel is my priority.”

“Has there been anyone since me?” I toss the question out there. Partly because I’m curious, and the other part knows that not knowing will eat me alive until I have the answer.

“No.” Her voice is barely audible, but in the silence of the room, I hear her loud and clear. “W-What about you?”

“No. However, that’s not from my lack of trying. I tried random hookups a few times and never made it past a kiss or two. They didn’t taste like you,” I say, leaning in and pressing my lips to her bare thigh. “They didn’t smell like you. You’ve ruined me.” There hasn’t been a woman in my life who could compare to her since that night. Hell, there has never in my life been a woman who has compared to her, and I know as I sit here looking up at her, that there never will.

“I need to lay her down,” she says. Her voice is soft, but I still hear the vulnerability as she speaks. We’re both on a road less traveled. We’ve made it to the fork in the road, and we need to decide our path.

I watch as she stands with our daughter in her arms and carries her to her crib. She places her back on the small mattress and quickly covers herself, much to my dismay. My eyes are glued to Cadence as I watch her kiss the tips of her index and middle fingers and place them on our daughter’s forehead.

“Mommy and Daddy love you,” she whispers, and my heart stops.

“C-Cadence?” She turns to look at me. “Do—” I swallow hard. “Do you tell her that every night?”

“Tell her what?” She tilts her head to the side, and I want nothing more than to trace the slender column of her neck with my lips, but I need to hear her answer first.

“That Mommy and Daddy love her.”

“Oh.” She places her hand over her mouth, and tears well in her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit, and I know you can tell her now on your own, but I wanted her to know that she was loved, and I knew… something in my gut told me that if you knew about her, you would be in her life, and well, I didn’t have the best childhood. I never wanted her to wonder if she was loved.” She opens her mouth to say something else, but I’m faster. My hand slides behind her neck, and I pull her lips to mine. I kiss her hard as the emotions of her confession wash over me.

At this moment, with our lips pressed together, there is no time between us. No missed moments. It’s just the two of us and the passion that we can’t deny. It doesn’t matter that she left, and it doesn’t matter that I should have told her that it meant more to me than just a night of fun. We’ve both made mistakes, but I don’t want to live in the past. I want to live in the present, with a future that involves the two of us and our baby girl. It’s as if no time has passed as our tongues collide.

“I want you,” I whisper against her lips.

“Bedroom.”

Not needing any further invitation, I lift her in my arms and carry her across the hall to her bedroom. As soon as her feet hit the floor, she’s raising her arms in the air. I waste no time pulling the small tank over her head, allowing her full breasts to spill out. My mouth waters needing them in my mouth. Bending my head, I suck one hard nipple gently into my mouth. Cadence moans, burying her hands in my hair. With the pad of my thumb, I trace the other, giving it equal attention.

“That’s good,” she moans. “So sensitive.”

“Am I hurting you?” I pull back just far enough to ask.

“No. No. No, don’t stop,” she says, panicked.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m just getting started,” I assure her, before dropping to my knees and helping her out of the tiny boy shorts she’s wearing.

“Trevin.” There’s something in her voice that has me looking up at her, giving her my full attention. “I’m not— I mean my body. It’s different now,” she says with a wobble of worry in her voice. From the glow of the bedside lamp, I can see the rosy color of embarrassment on her cheeks. Then again, that might be desire. I can’t be sure.

My lips kiss just above her pelvic bone over the pale red stretch mark. “You mean the body that grew and created our daughter? The body that gave her life and still nurtures her. Your body is different, Cadence, but it’s sexy as fuck. I wish I could have seen you. I wish I could have cradled Hazel when she rested here.” My hand roams over her belly. “I wish I could have seen your body grow and change with our daughter.” Resting my forehead against her belly, I wrap my arms around Cadence and hold her tight. The enormity of what I’ve missed catches up to me. Those are memories I’ll never have.