And so she did.
Her mom instincts were on point too, because when we went out front, we found Bay playing keep-away with Clary’s favorite stuffed pig. Yes, favorite. The girl had fifty of them. And I wasn’t exaggerating. They all came from her Uncle Dezi who’d picked a different animal for each kid, and then went overboard with them for every holiday.
Bay had sloths.
Clary had pigs.
Sage had kittens.
Mace had opossums, for fuck-knew what reason.
And Rue had hippos.
“Bay,” I called, putting a little more force in my voice. It was my dad-voice, as Billie called it. And I guess that was exactly what it was. All I knew was it was effective. Bay immediately gave the pig back to his sister who did not possess any of her mother’s passivity, and retaliated by kicking her big brother in the shin with every bit of force in her body.
And then there was a lot more screaming.
Bay ended up with an icepack on his leg sitting in lotus position on the side of the yard with Clary beside him, both being encouraged to meditate on how they could have handled the situation differently. Unfortunately for her, Bay and Clary weren’t her meditating kids. She got them in Sage and Rue, the calmer, sweeter girls who were spitting images of their mom. Bay and Mace were a lot like me. Outdoorsy and active. Clary, well, we went ahead and blamed all that sass on her aunts. But we couldn’t be too mad about it because we knew that her level of attitude would serve her well as a teen and adult.
“What do you say about being really lazy parents tonight?” Billie asked, walking up toward me after giving up on Bay and Clary.
“I’ve never been opposed to lazy. What did you have in mind?”
“I say we order the kids pizza and Chinese and whatever else junky food that we don’t normally let them have. And we sit them down in front of the TV with unlimited access to the Disney app. Then we let them stuff their faces and watch movies until they can’t keep their eyes open anymore.”
“I can get behind that plan,” I agreed, nodding. “And what will we do? Sleep?” I asked.
“Well, I was thinking maybe we would lock the door and have some adult time, but now that you mention sleep…” she said, giving me a saucy smile as I grabbed her and pulled her against my body.
“You can’t take it back now. Adult time it is,” I said, leaning down.
“It’s been a really long time,” she said, relaxing into my arms.
We’d decided that we didn’t want to take any chances on landing ourselves with triplets after two sets of twins, so I’d gone ahead and gotten snipped a few weeks back. And since I wouldn’t be shooting blanks for about two months, we’d decided to forego sex.
Well, Billie had.
With some spiel about how explosive it would be when we came together again.
While I got her logic, I was just about to start getting blue balls.
“I vote we give ‘em ice cream too. Those little cups of chocolate and vanilla that they can serve themselves,” I pitched in.
“I will mourn for our couch’s upcoming stains some other time,” Billie agreed, pressing her lips into my throat. “Oh, you know what?” she asked, pulling back to look up at me, eyes animated.
“No, what?”
“I have an even better idea.”
“Don’t think there is a better idea than me fucking you,” I told her, letting my hand slide down her spine to give her ass a squeeze.
“Well, how about you fucking me in a quiet house with no worries about the kids burning it down or causing serious bodily injury to one another?” she said, smile spreading.
“Oh, baby, I don’t know if that is fair to your father,” I said, realizing her plan.
“Dad loves the kids.”
“Last time they came over, he ran around putting throw-away party hats on all the alien and monster penises around their place,” I reminded her.
“I told him not to worry about that. I grew up around all the penises and pussies and I’m fine.”
“Billie, honey, I saw a picture of you as a kid holding one of those alien cocks that you’d put a bowtie on.”
“I was like four. I had no idea what it was. So what does it matter? You know how many dirty, adult jokes they put in kid movies? It goes right over their heads. Besides, I bet my parents would love a little impromptu sleepover from their grand babies. And they can stuff them with junk food and ice cream and deal with the stains.”
“You know, it is sounding better and better. Call your mother,” I demanded, giving her ass a pat.
It was amazing how quickly two parents could pack overnight bags for their five children that would have absolutely every possible little thing their kids might decide they need to go to sleep with when the motivation was a night of uninterrupted sex.