Nicole shook her head, wondering why Reed was back to flirting and coming on strong. She was mixed up by his apparent change of heart, but that seemed to be her fallback position in any crisis. Blame everything on too much to deal with. Can’t sleep? Pop your grandfather’s pain pills. Too much pressure at work? More pills.
A lifetime ago she’d had goals and a plan for her span in the world. If it had panned out, she might’ve been awarded one or two of the many honors from the department her grandfather had earned over his long career. Granddad would’ve been in the audience proud as he could be. She would’ve married a man who would’ve supported her choice of a career in law enforcement. He might’ve even been a cop himself, but she’d actually envisioned him as a lawyer or a businessman. After she turned thirty, she and her fantasy husband would’ve started a family. Two kids. A boy and a girl. Later, there would’ve been a move to a house with four bedrooms, two baths, and a two-car garage in one of the better areas of Chicago, unlike where she’d grown up. Her kids would’ve gone to college and eventually started their own families. Nicole and the mirage man would’ve settled into retirement quite nicely—comfortable though not rich. She would’ve loved babysitting her grandkids.
After everything, Nicole knew that it had been only a silly fantasy. Life hadn’t turned out the way she’d planned. In truth, life came at a person fast and furious, like a series of collisions, one right after the other. Flights of fancy never materialized. Feelings were overrated. Love was overrated. Believing in oneself and that anything was possible was a total waste of time and energy. With each passing mile she kept reminding herself of that fact, but with Reed’s arm around her shoulder and Sawyer’s hand on her knee, she was so mixed up.
“How much longer before we get to Destiny?” she asked.
“Another twenty-five minutes,” Reed informed.
No time like the present to get to the bottom of what the hell Reed wanted from her. Hell, what they both wanted. If her heart was going to be destroyed, let it be now before she headed back to Chicago—alone. “Tell me, Reed. Why the turnaround in you?”
Reed brought the truck to a stop.
“What are you doing?” she asked, feeling the pulse in her veins tighten. “I want to get to the prisoner ASAP.”
“Something did go on between you two when I went to Phong’s, didn’t it?” Sawyer squeezed her thigh. “What did my brother say to you, baby?”
“I fucked up, bro.” Reed touched her cheek, but she pulled away.
“Stop it. Both of you.” She wasn’t taking any more manipulation from either of them. Not any more.
“You have questions for us, Chicago.” Reed’s face seemed to storm with something dark and hidden. “Fire away.”
“Fine. You want me to interrogate you? Then I will. You were the one who pulled back, Mr. Coleman. Not me.”
“When did he do that?” Sawyer’s angry tone shook her to her core.
“You were right,” Reed said. “Something did happen when you were in town. Wasn’t that your plan, bro? Leave us alone and let the magic take over. It worked, too.”
“Then I don’t understand the problem,” Sawyer said.
“Neither do I,” she echoed. Reed had come on so strong it nearly knocked her over. Then just as fast, he’d withdrawn from her. “If it worked then why did you make me think you were done with me?”
“I fucked up, baby. I know that. I wanted to scoop you up in my arms right then and haul you back to the bedroom and fuck you into blissful oblivion.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“I should have. I may never forgive myself for not doing just that, but I’m saying it now, baby. I want you.”
“You’ve got to understand him, Nicole,” Sawyer said in a low, gentle tone. “He took our parents’ death harder than anyone.”
“She’s got her own demons, brother. I have no excuse for pushing her away.” Reed cupped her chin. “If you’ll let me, I will make up for my mistake. I would like you to stay in Destiny with Sawyer and me. That’s what I want, Nicole. What do you want?”
She would’ve liked to believe him, believe in the new dream, the one with her being loved and cherished by these two incredible men. Magic wasn’t real. If there was any chance of her heart healing one day, it was time to end whatever this was before it went on any longer. “Reed, I told you my deepest, darkest secrets.” She turned to Sawyer. “You deserve to know the truth about me, too. I’m a recovering addict. I was benched because of a mistake I made two years ago. I’m no super cop. I work a desk back at the station. I’m nothing more than a paper shuffler. I’ve seen the look in your eyes. I’m not the woman you think I am. I never will be.”
“Not true, Nicole.” Sawyer touched her cheek. “Not true at all. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more. What are you afraid of? The poly life? I know you’re not from here
but you have to believe me when I say it is a great life. Are you fearful that Reed and I will get jealous, that each of us will want you for ourselves? It won’t happen. Our dads gave us the perfect example of how to treat a woman. You’re the one for us. Trust me.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to create a kind of defensive barrier between them and her. I can’t be the woman who tears them apart. I won’t be. “Reed says he’s into me now, but what about later?”
“What do you mean, baby?” Reed asked.
“You two are into BDSM. The club in Destiny, Phase Four, that’s your club. You’ve shared women before, right?”
They both shrugged, but she could tell they had and probably numerous times.
“Those women were into the life, too, right?”