Cam walked in with a tray of food that would’ve fed a small army. “We’ve got cheese and crackers, grapes and bananas. I brought us three bottled waters, but if you’d like me to open another bottle of wine, I can go back and get it.”
“This is wonderful, Cam.” She sat up, and Dylan fluffed a pillow for her back. “You know I’ve never eaten in this bed before. Actually, I’ve never eaten in any bed before. You two sure are spoiling me.”
“More to come, sweetheart,” Cam said, setting the tray down on the mattress and crawling in next to her.
Dylan handed her a cracker with a sliver of sharp cheddar. Cam opened her bottle for her. They all ate the food Cam had brought in silence. She looked at her two naked men and then glanced down at her bare chest. It felt completely wonderful being here with them this way. She’d always been shy about her body, having grown up in the O’Learys’ house with her brothers. Now, with Cam and Dylan, it seemed so right to be naked with them.
“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Dylan said. “I can’t wait to show you off at Phase Four.”
She instantly tensed. Why didn’t I tell them before? Why did I wait?
Cam stared at her. “What’s wrong, Erica?”
God, he could see into her like no one before. “It’s difficult for me to say. This is hard.”
“What’s hard?” Dylan cupped her chin. “It’s just us, baby. You can trust us. Take your time. We’re here for you.”
“I’m sorry about what happened at the beach.”
Dylan’s eyes narrowed. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, but I wish I hadn’t hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt now.” Dylan kissed her forehead. “I’ve loved you for years, Erica. You have always been life to me, and being the fool I am, I steered clear.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I never really expected this to happen. I’ve seen a ton of action in my day, but nothing scared the shit out of me more than you. Now, I can’t imagine not being with you, holding you like this. When you screamed after I pulled down your top over your he
ad, I thought I’d lost you for good.”
“I want this. I do. I know I’m waffling, but I can’t help it. You both are into BDSM.” She took a deep breath and then blurted out the truth of her hesitation. “I’m not sure I can be again after all that has happened to me. I don’t know if I can handle being tied down or blindfolded.”
Dylan smiled. “That’s okay, baby.”
“No. It isn’t. That’s your world. It isn’t fair of me to ask you to give it up. I won’t. It’s not right.”
“I think your mind is what’s getting you into trouble, sweetheart,” Cam said. “BDSM is something we’ve enjoyed. We know the ins and outs like the backs of our hands. That’s true, too. But you, Erica, are the most important person in our lives now. We can put our lifestyle on the shelf. Later, when you’re ready, we can take it one step at a time.”
Dylan nodded. “If it doesn’t work, then we enjoy the best vanilla sex the world has ever known.”
They would do that for her and more. They’d already proven what lengths they would go to for her. But it wasn’t right. Though the selfish side of her wanted to surrender to their selfless offer, how could she?
“Wouldn’t that be a kind of half life? In the end, you would resent me. My heart would break in two.” She closed her eyes. “I love you both. I love you so much I know I can never ask that of you. You’re Doms. Don’t deny it.”
“Look at me, Erica,” Dylan told her.
She opened her eyes and found his warm gaze locked in on her. “Yes?”
He took in a big breath. What was he going to say? Was this good-bye? It should be, but selfish or not, she didn’t want it to be.
“We’re both fucked up, aren’t we?” He grinned. “Cam is right, baby. The only way to heal our darkness is to be together. You think you’re pushing me and Cam away right now for us, but deep down it’s your old demons creeping back up, screaming at you how worthless you are, aren’t they?”
Like Cam, he seemed to be able to read her mind. “Yes.”
Dylan grabbed her hands and brought them up to his chest. “My heart will always be yours, Erica.” His dark eyes were solemn. “I love you. BDSM is something I enjoy, but you are the one I love. Do you understand?”
Her heart swelled. “Yes, but—”