Jonas seemed satisfied and gently lowered the towel-covered baggie down to my hand. “Sorry, this might hurt,” he murmured. His eyes remained fixed on my hand and I used the opportunity to take in the rest of his appearance. He was still wearing the same clothes he’d had on yesterday, and his skin looked pale except for the areas around his nose and eyelids, which looked red and chafed – further proof that his crying jags had continued during the times I hadn’t been watching him through the scope.
I hadn’t had a chance to connect with Mav this morning to see what, if anything, he’d found out about Cole Bridgerton, so I wasn’t used to feeling so unprepared for a conversation. I usually had all the answers well before I asked the questions, but just like everything else with the young man in front of me, I was off my game.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jonas didn’t lift his eyes but I felt the tremor in his fingers where he was using his palm to support my hand as his other hand held the ice in place. I was surprised when he didn’t try to pretend he didn’t know what I was talking about. Instead, there was an almost imperceptible shake of his head.
“Did he hurt you, Jonas?”
Fuck, I hadn’t meant to ask that question. It was way too personal. His surprise mirrored mine because he lifted his eyes to look at me. I held my breath in anticipation of his answer because it shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. It absolutely mattered.
“No,” Jonas finally responded, his voice sounding hoarse. “He just…meeting him brought back a lot of memories for me.”
“You’d never met him before yesterday?” I asked carefully.
“Um, no. I…I knew his sister.” His voice dropped off on the word sister and I knew if I pressed any harder, I’d lose him. Besides, I was supposed to be keeping my distance so I could finally reach an unbiased conclusion about the young man’s innocence or guilt. And I’d been doing a pretty decent job up until yesterday.
Until Jonas had brought me a cup of coffee. A simple cup of coffee and a fucking container of cinnamon and he’d done what he’d been doing from the first moment I saw him through my scope. He’d made me want to find some way to prove he wasn’t like the others. I wanted the veil of innocence he wore like a mantle to be real. I wanted one reason, any reason, that meant I wouldn’t have to put a bullet through his brain.
Jonas dropped his gaze again and I watched a single tear escape his eye. One fucking tear and I did exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t. I touched him.
When I cupped the side of his face with my hand, he didn’t move, barely breathed. I slid my thumb over the fallen tear and marveled at the way his skin glistened from the tiny bit of moisture. I was telling myself to pull my hand back when he suddenly closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. I knew I was treading on dangerous ground with what I was doing, but I couldn’t pull my hand away, because I’d finally been able to give him what I’d spent the entire night wanting to give him as I listened to every heartbreaking, soul-wrenching sob that had worked its way out of his throat. And it wasn’t enough. The need to take away his pain had me leaning forward, and even though Jonas didn’t open his eyes, he tensed in my hold and I knew that he knew what I was planning.
I ignored every warning bell going off in my head as I slowly tipped Jonas’s head up at the same time that I pulled him forward. And then it was over because the second my phone rang, Jonas jerked his whole body back so fast that the chair he was sitting in nearly tipped over. The bag of ice hit the floor and he quickly jumped up and scooped it up as I searched out my phone and silenced it.
“I’ll just add a little more ice to this and then you can take it with you,” Jonas stuttered as he hurried back to the refrigerator. I glanced at the phone, saw that it was Mav and sent the call to voicemail. My muscles felt tight as I fought the need to finish what I’d started, but then I remembered the broken sobs that had tormented the young man in front of me for the last twenty-four hours.
“I think it’s okay now,” I forced myself to say as I stood up.
Jonas turned to face me, the small plastic tray of ice clenched to his chest like some kind of barrier.
“I’m going to be heading out in a bit,” I said as I moved towards the door. I gave him another quick look and saw that he hadn’t moved at all. “If you’re up for it, I was thinking we could go check out some lighting options tomorrow.”