Absolution (The Protectors 1)

But Cole must have seen something in the way I looked at him because he leaned down and sealed his mouth over mine. The kiss was still relatively tame since he only lingered for a moment but I felt it in my bones.

Just like Mace’s…

At the reminder, I glanced over to the table to see if Mace had witnessed the kiss but he was gone. I cast Cole another look and then left the kitchen. I only went as far as the porch because I was too afraid to wander away from the house despite my intense desire to escape this whole situation. I sat on the porch swing that hung from two long chains. The rocking motion very quickly became soothing, and I finally took the deep breath I felt like I’d been holding from the moment Cole had pointed the rifle at Mace the night before.

My anger with Mace had started to ease after seeing the so called proof he had against me. Both the mugshot and emails looked so real that I wondered how many people would have known they were fakes. I knew the answer…only the people who really knew me would know I wasn’t capable of something like that. And that translated to Casey and Devlin. Because I’d never let anyone else close enough to know me.

Until Mace.

The anger may have started to fade but the hurt was front and center. And I had no one to blame for that but myself. Because I’d trusted Mace. I’d wanted to connect with him. I’d wanted…him.

The object of my thoughts rounded the house and began climbing the porch stairs when he saw me and stopped. My eyes settled on the rifle in his hand and how easily he held it. Like it was an extension of his body.

“I was just checking the perimeter,” he said quietly. His gaze raked over me and I felt an intense longing – the same longing I’d felt last night when he’d kissed me and I’d needed more.

Mace shifted his eyes from me and then reached for the screen door.

“Was it all a lie?” I found myself asking even though I hadn’t meant to.

Mace’s hand froze on the door handle and I could see the knuckles were turning white from how tightly he was holding it. He didn’t say anything at first, and I regretted the question because I knew I wouldn’t be able to believe anything he said to me anyway.

“Our kiss last night…” he whispered and I flinched because I’d wanted more than anything to believe that his kiss had been real. “The last time I kissed someone was my wife, the day we lost our son…eight years ago.”

With that, Mace disappeared into the house and I could only sit there in mute silence as I tried to grasp the enormity of what he’d just told me.

Chapter Fifteen

Mace

My whole body shook as I entered the house. I hadn’t meant to tell Jonas that, but I knew he’d never have believed me if I’d answered him with a simple “no.”

I didn’t notice Cole until I was practically on top of him and I knew just from looking at him that he’d heard what I said to Jonas. I hated the look of pity I saw in his eyes but I realized it didn’t matter. Whatever tension had and still existed between us didn’t matter because he would walk away with everything I wanted. He was everything I’d once been a lifetime ago before one careless oversight destroyed my entire world. Before I’d drowned myself in liquor, sex and the quest for vengeance.

I’d seen Cole kiss Jonas as I was heading out of the kitchen, because I’d been too disturbed to watch Jonas’s meltdown, knowing I was the cause of it. Their kiss was everything I’d expected it to be…beautiful, perfect, devastating. With one achingly sweet kiss, Cole had taken away a little bit of the pain I’d heaped on Jonas. It was the only measure of comfort I took from the whole situation. Even if Cole was straight, I could see by the way he looked at Jonas that he wasn’t using Jonas out of some need to test his sexuality. Not liked I’d used him…

“Perimeter’s clear,” I said as I handed the rifle to him. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Mace-”

I ignored Cole and hurried up the stairs and found an empty guest room that had an attached bathroom. I hadn’t had a chance to clean up the night before because just minutes after I’d finally forced myself to go into the house after the brutal confrontation with Jonas, I’d heard him screaming. After helping Cole subdue him, I’d stayed in the room in case he had any more episodes. Seeing the two of them lying together had done something to me, though. It was the same thing I’d felt when I saw Jonas hug Cole in the studio the day after they’d met…I was on the outside looking in on something I wanted to be a part of. It was a startling realization that I wanted them both. Initially I’d brushed off the attraction I had towards Cole as just that – attraction. But there was something about Cole that drew me in – his strength probably. He gave me something I hadn’t really even realized I needed, just like Jonas did.