Absolution (The Protectors 1)

“Why?” I whispered as I brushed my thumb back and forth over his jawline. “Why did you give me that last night?”

Jonas’s fingers were brushing over my bicep but he kept his eyes on me. I could feel his erection pressed against mine and as thrilled as I was by that, I needed to know why he’d given me what he had the night before.

“Why did you stop that wood from hitting me when we first met?”

The question surprised me but it also answered my question.

“Because I needed to,” I said simply and then I settled more of my weight on him and sealed my mouth over his. I felt him shift his legs beneath me and I groaned when he opened them to make room for me. I took my time exploring his mouth as I let one of my hands travel up and down his side. When Jonas dragged his mouth from mine so he could catch his breath, I kissed my way down his neck but I didn’t go any farther. My body felt like it was on fire but I forced myself to just hold Jonas as I fought for control of my raging need. It took several minutes before I felt calm enough to shift back up and brush a chaste kiss over his lips.

“Do you want this, Jonas? Do you want to see what this thing between the three of us is?”

“You mean sex?” Jonas asked tentatively.

I hesitated with my next words because I knew the weight they carried. I knew that saying them would change the trajectory of my life forever.

I shook my head. “It would be so much more than that,” I admitted. “I can’t speak for Cole but I want everything with you, with him.”

Jonas reached up to sift his fingers through my hair. His silence frightened me…maybe I had misread the events of last night. What if Cole and Jonas had merely pitied me in that moment and nothing more? What if they didn’t feel the completeness that I’d felt when we were wrapped around each other?

“I want it,” Jonas suddenly whispered and then he was urging me down. His kiss was gentle at first, teasing, exploring. Then his hunger took over and he stole into my mouth with vicious intent. As much as I wanted to wrap myself around Jonas and never come up for air, I knew something was missing. Not something…someone. I allowed myself one more taste of him before pulling back.

“I want us to wait for Cole,” I said. I didn’t know how to explain that despite my intense need for Jonas, it didn’t feel like enough. But when Jonas nodded, I knew he got it.

“Me too,” he whispered.

I smiled as relief flooded my system. I had no idea what the hell was happening between the three of us but I wanted it. I wanted all of it.

“Mace,” Jonas said as I began to pull back from him.

I stopped and looked down at him.

“I…I don’t know if I’ll be able to...” Jonas’s voice dropped off as he struggled with whatever he was trying to say. I let my fingers trail up and down his arm before I linked our fingers together.

“I haven’t been with anyone since Casey and I left Chicago. I tried once in Paris but it didn’t go well…”

Understanding dawned and a bone-crushing sadness settled in my chest but I kept my expression soft. “Nothing happens that you don’t want,” I said.

“I want to try…I want to be a part of whatever happens,” he said, his voice shaky. “I just don’t want you and Cole to be disappointed if I can’t let you-”

I kissed him before he could finish because I didn’t want him to end his sentence with “fuck me.” It was too crude of a word to describe what I wanted to do with Jonas.

“I can guarantee that nothing you do or don’t do would ever disappoint us,” I said against his lips. I kissed him gently a few times until I felt the tension ease from his body. I levered off of him and sat up enough so I could reach for the coffee. I was thrilled when Jonas adjusted his position so he was still laying against me.

“How did you know so much about construction work?” I heard Jonas ask.

I let my fingers sift through his hair as I spoke. “My dad owns a construction company. I worked for him all through high school and for a little while after I left the force.”

“You were a police officer.”

“Yeah, for almost ten years. I left after…after Evan,” I said. I had trouble controlling the tremor in my voice when I said my son’s name.

“Are your parents still alive?”

“They are. They live in Philadelphia. That’s where I grew up.”

“Do you see them a lot?”