I’d tried to remind myself that my parents’ relationship wasn’t normal and that I should look to the many pairings and threesomes within my own social circle as guides. But my mind always went back to my parents.
And I hated that.
I was also making a pretty big presumption. Maybe Ethan didn’t even want to see if there was something between us. We’d known each other for a little over two weeks and he had been and still was under an immense amount of stress.
“I can practically hear it,” Ethan said softly.
“What?” I asked.
“You thinking about things.”
He turned in my arms, but he was careful not to touch me. He tucked his hand under his head so he could watch me.
“Sorry,” I said. I remembered his question about the hospital. I knew he meant trying to get his medical records that had evidence of the aftermath of Eric’s brutal beating and rape. “He will have notified them to contact the police if you show up to get a copy of your medical records.”
Ethan sighed and fell silent. He reached out to brush his thumb over my cheek. Early morning light was filtering into the room through the curtains. It wasn’t much, but I could make out his face.
“Morning,” he said softly.
“Morning,” I responded with a smile. He looked so rumpled and relaxed that I couldn’t help but feel at ease.
“What has you thinking so hard?” he asked.
“You,” I admitted. “This,” I said as I motioned between us with my chin.
“Is that good or bad?” he asked.
“Good for me,” I murmured as I reached out to cup his cheek. I leaned in to kiss him lightly.
“But you think it’s bad for me?” he asked, his brow furrowing just a bit.
“I think you’re under a lot of pressure right now and things will look very different when all this is over.”
“What things?” he asked.
When I didn’t say anything, he softly said, “You?” His thumb trailed over my chin. “Do you think I’ll see you differently when things are settled?”
I nodded. “I’m not an easy man, Ethan.”
“I’m not looking for easy, Cain.” He fell silent for a moment before saying, “I’m not seeing you as some knight in shining armor. Yes, you make me feel safe, but it’s so much more than that. I’m…I’m hoping that when things calm down, you might want to get to know me better. Like I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?” I automatically asked because I had no interest in waiting for shit to calm down.
Ethan smiled. “Um, okay, what’s your favorite color?”
“Black.”
He chuckled. “I guess I should have known that because of your truck, huh?”
“What’s yours?”
“Blue,” he said softly as his gaze held mine. “Soft, pale blue that looks almost silver.” His thumb skimmed the skin next to my eye and I instantly knew why he was looking into them so intently. I shifted my weight until I was leaning over him.
“I want to change my answer,” I murmured as I looked into his bright green eyes right before I leaned down and kissed him. Ethan laughed against my mouth, but it didn’t last long. As soon as my tongue stroked over his, he was moaning and kissing me back. His arms went around my neck and I was glad he was too far gone to ask me if I was okay with it.
I didn’t want him to be afraid to touch me anymore. Even though I knew there were some things I just wasn’t ready for yet, I wanted that responsibility to be on me to tell him rather than him obsessing over what was or wasn’t okay when it came to physical contact between us.
I would have kept kissing him if his stomach hadn’t chosen to let out a loud growl at that point.
“Oh my God,” Ethan whispered just before he covered his face with embarrassment. I laughed and kissed his nose between his fingers.
“I guess my man is hungry,” I said with a chuckle.
Ethan stilled and dropped his hand. He watched me for the longest time before saying, “Yes, he is.”
The moment was heavy between us and I knew why. But I couldn’t regret calling him mine because it felt like he was. And even that tiny confirmation from him…
I levered up on my elbow so I could look down at him. “We need to switch hotels so we can grab something on the way.”
“Are we going back to Seattle?”
“Not yet. We’re going to meet a guy who will hopefully be able to fix Lucy’s phone. Ronan’s tracking him down to see where he is.”
“He works for Ronan?” Ethan asked.
“Yes and no…he’s sort of a free agent.”
“What if he can’t fix it?”
I knew what Ethan was asking me. He already knew what the plan was in terms of Eric if we ended up with no evidence against the man. Secretly, a part of me wanted that to happen, but I also knew what it meant for Ethan and I couldn’t actually hope for it. Even if we took Eric out, Ethan wouldn’t be a free man. He’d never be able to go back to his old life. He’d always be on the run. Yes, Ronan could set him up with a new identity, a new life…probably even as a doctor somewhere, but he wouldn’t be able to see his family again nor could he keep Lucy with him unless he was willing to subject her to a life of hiding as well.