So I’d reluctantly, and angrily, turned the car around and gotten us on the highway that would lead us west. That had been twenty minutes ago and neither of us had spoken since.
It was a far cry from the last couple of days where all we’d done was talk.
And make love.
I had no clue how many times I’d lost myself in Ethan’s beautiful body…or how many times he’d told me he loved me as he’d hung on to me. It didn’t matter if I fucked him hard and fast or slow and long, the end was always the same. Explosive orgasms that had left me shaking and wanting more at the same time. And Ethan’s words of love whispered in my ear.
If I’d had any doubt about wanting a future with Ethan, it had died a quick death after the past couple days. And any reservations I’d had about someday having the love I felt for him turn into something obsessive and wrong had been obliterated after he’d told me he loved me for the first time and said his feelings wouldn’t change even if I couldn’t change. I’d known then that I could and would change. Not just for him, but for me. I’d used things like talk of our wedding as examples of how fucked up I was, but I’d ended up planting seeds that had grown in the silence of my mind whenever I held Ethan in my arms as he slept. The idea of watching Ethan come to life as he was welcomed back into his family was exciting to me.
I didn’t even feel a shard of possessiveness at the thought of sharing him with the people who loved him. And I knew he’d make sure to give me what I needed by helping me navigate the waters with his family as I explained to them that it would take me time to let them in to the place where only Ethan currently existed. I’d also been giving lots of thought to Lucy. Ethan had mentioned that the girl had no one else. The idea that she’d be a permanent part of our lives didn’t bother me in the least. I’d probably be a lousy father figure for her, but I could learn from Ethan’s example. And if all I could ever be was an overprotective, brotherly type to her, that was just fine by me. I’d be damn good at scaring off the boys who thought she was just any old girl they could mess with.
As the car ate up the miles and miles of road that were taking me back to the house where my life had ended in more ways than one, I tried to focus on what I might find there. Ronan had called shortly after Daisy had, but I’d ignored the call since I’d known what he wanted.
He wanted me to wait for back-up.
When he’d approached me years ago about helping me find my father, he’d told me it would be my decision whether or not my father would face the punishment the courts had decided upon or whether I would be his judge, jury and executioner.
It was a decision I still hadn’t made.
I would have thought it would come to me as I got closer and closer to the possibility of finally putting my past to rest, but I found myself too preoccupied with other thoughts. And none of them had to do with the man who’d slid a butcher knife into my gut as easily as he’d carved our Thanksgiving Day turkey with it.
No, my thoughts were one place and one place only.
I reached across the console separating us and took one of Ethan’s loosely fisted hands in mine. As soon as I laced our fingers, he tightened his grip and I heard a whoosh of air escape his lungs. He pulled my hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss over my knuckles before settling our joined hands in his lap. He held onto it for the rest of the drive, only letting go when I made the final turn of our journey and pointed out the place I’d never wanted to see again in my life.
Home.
* * *
“Don’t,” Ethan said softly as I turned away from the front door to face him.
I sighed, not surprised that he knew I was going to ask him one more time to wait in the car. We’d spent several long minutes having the same argument in the car and I’d finally given up when I’d realized he’d just follow me if I tried to force him.
Resigned, I turned my attention to the door and tried the knob. The house I’d grown up in sat on a quiet street with just a few houses that sat on larger lots. I didn’t see any people around nor were there any cars parked on the street. It was just after lunch time so I figured most people were at work or school. The house across the street that had belonged to the older woman who’d babysat for my parents on occasion looked abandoned because the grass and bushes were horrendously overgrown.