Vengeance (The Protectors 5)

I wasn’t what you’d call a sexually aggressive person, but in the few relationships I’d been in, I had taken a more dominant role. Not because I’d wanted to; it was just the way it had worked out. I’d also always taken things slowly and not just because my partners wanted it that way too. I hadn’t actually lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend, Kelly, until a couple months before graduation, even though she and I had been together for nearly two years. Even though I’d known from an early age that I was bisexual, I hadn’t actually been with any men until my sophomore year in college when I’d met my boyfriend, Curtis. I’d messed around with a couple guys after starting at UCLA, but Curtis was the first man I’d actually slept with and while it had been pleasant, it had just felt like something was missing. All of my encounters had been like that. Sure, I got off, but it wasn’t epic, blow-your-mind sex. After a year of dating, Curtis and I had broken up and I’d gone to a couple of gay clubs and picked up some guys, but the sex was the same, despite the taboo feeling of it being meaningless sex with a random stranger.

I’d been starting to wonder if maybe it was me – that maybe sex just wasn’t something that excited me the way it did others. I’d refused to consider that maybe it had nothing to do with the guys I was hooking up with and everything to do with the fact that there was only one guy my body wanted and it wasn’t going to accept any substitutions.

But I definitely had my answer now. Because from the moment Memphis had opened that bathroom door, I’d gone to a whole other place. A place I should have been able to go with Curtis and Kelly. A place where nothing mattered but the person standing in front of me. A place where all I felt was the need to touch, to feel.

I’d never felt anything like the rush of need that had gone through me in those few seconds when my eyes had met his. I remembered speaking to him, but I had no clue what I’d said. I remembered watching the way his hand had tightened on the doorknob while his other hand had curled into a fist. I remembered watching his already dark eyes go black with some unnamed emotion as his lips had parted just a little bit.

And I’d known.

I’d just known. I’d literally had a few seconds to decide to move forward or not. And whatever that invisible thing inside was that had kept me from finding what I’d been looking for with Curtis and all the others had evaporated when my eyes had connected with Memphis’s. And for the first time in my life, I’d taken what I wanted.

And I’d been handsomely rewarded. Because I’d felt more in one brush of my lips over his than I ever had with Curtis or my high school girlfriend. There’d been a moment when Memphis hadn’t kissed me back that I’d worried that whatever I was feeling was one-sided, but then he’d uttered that single word.

No.

Not to stop me. Not to send me on my way.

It had been life-altering. There was just no other way to explain it. Maybe I was placing too much weight on a mind-blowing orgasm, but I’d felt it in my bones. Because it hadn’t been just an amazing orgasm that had consumed me. It had been everything about him that I’d clung to. His voice, his smell, his touch. I’d felt things I hadn’t even realized I’d been missing.

I’d felt safe.

And needed.

Not just wanted, but needed.

That was what had been missing with Curtis and Kelly. The need. And not just the need to connect physically. In those few minutes with Memphis, I’d never felt more in sync with someone. I’d never felt their pain, their joy, their everything. But it had felt like that with him. When he’d kissed me before, during, after…

Even after we’d both left the bathroom, I’d felt that link to him and as I’d mingled with people, there had been this constant shiver running through my body that hadn’t eased until I’d located Memphis. He hadn’t noticed me at first, so I’d gotten to watch him unimpeded as he’d interacted with Ronan and the others. I hadn’t actually heard their conversation, but I’d seen a profound shift go through Memphis after Matty had said something to him.

Pain.

Rolling off of him in waves.

Even as Ronan, Seth and the others had talked and laughed about something, Memphis had stood frozen in place, his big body drawn up tight and his pain-filled gaze on the little boy. And when he’d finally turned and started walking away, his eyes had found mine and I’d felt his agony go through me like a physical punch. And I’d kept feeling it even as I’d spent the next twenty minutes saying my goodbyes to everyone.