Vengeance (The Protectors 5)

I should have felt better. I should have been excited to get on that plane and go back to Seattle knowing what I had with Brennan and Tristan wasn’t the same thing I’d had with Drake. But instead, a whole new question had reared its ugly head and it was so much worse than the one that had had me seeking out Mace’s advice in the first place.

I couldn’t choose between Brennan and Tristan, but could they say the same thing? They’d known each other for years, had loved each other nearly just as long. Yes, they’d both told me they loved me, but how could that compare to how much they loved each other? Hell, they didn’t even know everything about me, yet they were so in sync with one another…

“I have to go,” I murmured as I stood on shaky legs.

How the fuck had this happened? I’d gone from trying to figure out how to accept a relationship that I’d made the mistake of comparing to a fucked up one from my past, to worrying that maybe I couldn’t even be a part of the relationship. With Drake, I’d known he hadn’t had any feelings for the men and women he’d been fucking on the side. The only emotion I’d had to deal with, besides the obvious jealousy, was wondering why he’d felt the need to step out on me at all. But with Brennan and Tristan…the feelings I had for them ran so much deeper than what I’d felt for Drake, but they were in love with each other – they weren’t with each other just to slake some physical need. Which meant I really was the odd man out.

“Memphis-”

“Thanks, Mace,” I interrupted because I didn’t want his pity or his words of comfort.

I didn’t know what the hell I wanted anymore.

No, that wasn’t true…I finally knew what I wanted. The question was, did Brennan and Tristan know what they wanted and where did I fit in?

Or did I even fit in at all?

Chapter Twenty-One

Tristan

My hands were shaking so bad that I ended up jamming them into my pockets so no one else in the waiting room would see. I probably shouldn’t have left my apartment a good twenty minutes before I had to, because being nervous in the doctor’s waiting room was so much worse than sitting at home where I’d at least had my new piano to distract me.

I hadn’t been expecting the delivery, but luckily I’d gone home to get some fresh clothes when I’d heard raised voices outside my door. I’d opened it to find a very imposing Phoenix standing in front of it along with two nervous-looking guys who were big in their own right, but looked small compared to Phoenix. When the guys had said they were delivering a piano, I’d remembered Brennan’s comment about my dads ordering an upright piano that would fit in our new apartment. I’d called my fathers after the guys had unpacked the beautiful instrument and talked to them each for a few minutes. They and the rest of the family were on the second half of their vacation which meant they were staying at a huge house they’d rented by the ocean. My bruise had healed enough that it wouldn’t have been noticeable if I’d video chatted with them, but I’d been too worried that I might start to cry if I saw them, so I hadn’t risked it. And luckily they’d both been too distracted with whatever activity they were embroiled in to hear the unevenness in my voice. I’d already decided I would tell them about today’s doctor visit, no matter what the outcome, but I would wait until they got home to do it. I’d also decided to tell them the truth about Ray and everything that had happened as a result of my seeking him out.

I’d been stunned to hear the man was dead and while I’d pitied the horrible way in which he’d died, I couldn’t bring myself to really mourn him. Hearing the news of his death was about the only thing Memphis had shared with me and Brennan the night before when he’d gotten back to the hotel. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet – which for Memphis was saying a lot – when he’d gotten home. It hadn’t been overly late – barely even nine o’clock – and Brennan and I had been excited at the prospect of spending time with Memphis, both in and out of bed. But after he’d given us each cursory kisses that had held little emotion in them, he’d said he needed to talk to Phoenix and Cain about what he’d learned in New York in regards to the men who’d killed Ray and the potential new threat they posed to me. He’d told me there was nothing to be concerned about and then he’d disappeared and he hadn’t come back until the middle of the night some time. And as always, he’d ended up crashing on the couch. When I’d gotten up this morning after Brennan had left for work, Memphis had been gone again.