Vengeance (The Protectors 5)

And for that I was both grateful…and frustrated.

On the one hand, I needed the time to come to terms with all the emotions going through me, but I was frustrated with myself for the fear that continued to hold me back from admitting what I already knew to be true. I was in love with both young men and I wanted to build a life with them. I just had no idea how to do it. What if it was like I feared and I couldn’t be that guy who sat around a dinner table and conversed with family members or played with the kids? What if I wasn’t able to give up my solitary existence and do things with my men that ensured we’d be together going forward? Like getting a place together, telling them what I really did for a living and more importantly, telling them I loved them? What if they ended up resenting me for not being able to be everything they needed?

In the three weeks since the night the truth about what Drake had done had come out, Brennan and Tristan had spent every night with me and they often called or texted throughout the day. We took turns cooking and ate dinner together at my hotel every night. And at no time had I felt the need to shut down or withdraw during those conversations. There were some tense moments here and there like a few nights earlier when Brennan had been talking about a customer who’d stopped by the shop just after it had closed down for the night to ask about having a custom 1967 Camaro Convertible restored. It was the same kind of car Drake and I had been planning to buy and restore as an early wedding present to ourselves. My first reaction at the painful reminder of my past had been to go hide away somewhere to lick my wounds, but when Brennan had asked me what was wrong, I’d told them the truth. And then I’d moved past it and the conversation had eventually turned to Brennan’s plans to buy into his uncle’s business after he got his MBA. I’d liked hearing how although as much as he loved working on cars, his true passion was in running the day to day shop business and he and his uncle were ultimately hoping to open more shops throughout the state.

Both young men had shared other stories about themselves and their childhoods. And even though I hadn’t reciprocated, it hadn’t seemed to bother either of my lovers. And despite my continued reluctance to participate in the relationship one hundred percent, neither young man had held back in telling me they loved me every day despite not hearing the words back. Not once had they ever pressed me for more, but they would. They had to, right? I couldn’t be enough for them the way I was.

“Can I just say one more thing and then I’ll drop it?” Mav asked and I looked up at him and nodded.

“It suits you,” was all he said.

“What does?” I asked.

“The look. Just,” – he hesitated for a moment as if wary of crossing some invisible line between us – “just hang on to whatever…or whoever put that look there, okay?”

He dropped his head to focus on his laptop before I could tell him that was exactly what I was trying to figure out how to do.

* * *

“Here you go, Mr. Wheland,” the clerk said as she handed me a small white box. I’d stopped at the hotel’s front desk to check if the mail I’d had forwarded from my house had shown up yet.

“Was there a card with this?” I asked as studied the box.

“No, I’m sorry, there wasn’t. I just came on shift so I wasn’t here when it was delivered.”

I nodded at the woman absentmindedly. “Thanks,” I murmured as I turned away from the desk and began walking towards the bank of elevators. But my curiosity got the better of me and I opened the package right there in the lobby. My heart began pounding when I pulled out a small, delicate, ceramic white cat. Besides the fact that the figurine was a clear reference to Tink, there was something vaguely familiar about it too. I didn’t miss that the initials “PT” were carefully painted onto the cat’s collar.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Tristan’s number. I dismissed the slight unease that went through me, but when Tristan’s voicemail picked up, I said, “Hey, it’s me. So I just got the surprise you left for me at the front desk and wanted to say thank you. Um, yeah, so I guess I’ll see you guys soon.”

I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. I shook my head at how ridiculous I was being. Of course Tristan had left me the cat. He and Brennan were the only ones who knew the cat’s real name. I couldn’t really make sense of the gift, but it was a sweet gesture. And the fact that it looked so much like one of the many cat figurines my sister had had in her room was a bittersweet coincidence. There was no way he could have known she’d collected them.