Atonement (The Protectors 6)

And that was it. That moment defined my relationship with the younger man for the next several months.

But instead of backing off, he toyed with me every chance he got when he wasn’t working. And rather than just act like an adult and talk it out with him, I’d pushed back with the only weapon that I knew worked on Dante.

Silence.

I had no idea why my ignoring him bothered him so much, but I used it to my benefit.

Because I didn’t like how I’d started to wonder about some of the things he’d said to me…the promises he’d made about what he could do to me…for me.

I wasn’t gay.

And I wasn’t bisexual either.

I knew this because Dante wasn’t the first guy to hit on me. He wasn’t even the most aggressive in his pursuit. No, that had been reserved for one of my instructors in the Police Academy. It had taken a restraining order, the loss of his job and a not-so-subtle threat by yours truly to get the fucker to back the hell off.

But somewhere along the way, Dante’s harmless jabs and flirting had changed and he’d started to look at me differently. Not all the time…no, it was only now and again that he’d send me these intense, heated stares that seemed to be more than the sexual invitations he’d been tossing at me and that he often sent to whatever man or woman caught his roving eye. And I’d feel those looks like a physical touch…like his fingers were running down my spine causing a shiver of excitement to spread out beneath my skin.

And head directly to my cock.

The idea that I might be attracted to Dante was ludicrous to me, but I was having trouble explaining why my cock twitched with excitement when he was near. And why my heart rate ticked up and I always seemed to have trouble catching my breath.

I’d only felt that way once in my life and it had ended up in an unplanned pregnancy, hasty marriage and bitter divorce. Not to mention a shitload of ugliness in between. But at least the only cock in that relationship had been mine.

Not once had I ever looked at another guy with anything that even remotely resembled desire. And there’d been nothing but disinterest when the occasional guy hit on me. Earlier in the summer when I’d been introduced to my grandson’s adoptive fathers, I’d been surrounded by several same-sex couples and hadn’t felt even a stirring of interest in pursuing such a relationship, despite envying how natural and impactful the love the men had for each other was. I saw Hawke and Tate and the other couples and threesomes as I did any traditional relationship…people committed to each other and wanting to spend their lives together, but that was the extent of it. It wasn’t something I’d ever been fortunate enough to experience firsthand, but I was happy for those lucky enough to find it.

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in love…I just didn’t believe in it for me.

I’d been down that road before and it had turned out to be a dirt-covered, pot-hole infested path to nowhere.

No thanks.

The music in the other room switched again, this time to something slower, but still with a heavy beat. The pounding in my head increased with each pulse of the bass, so I got up to search out my migraine medicine. Even though I wasn’t feeling the regular symptoms of a pending attack, I didn’t want to mess around with even the possibility. Migraines were something I’d suffered from since I was a teenager, but I’d learned to manage them, especially once it had been determined they were often brought on by stress. The first few years of my marriage had been hell on my health in terms of the migraines, but I’d eventually learned to control my mind and body enough that I could recognize the symptoms early on. I’d actually gotten to a point where I hadn’t had migraines for almost a decade, but then things had gone to hell with my daughter. This past year had been especially tough after learning my child was indeed dead as I’d suspected and realizing that I might also lose my only grandchild to cancer.

The events of today hadn’t helped. Dante and I hadn’t spoken more than a few words to each other after Memphis had dropped us off at the airport, but I’d gotten an earful as I’d listened to - and watched - him flirt with one of the First Class flight attendants. He’d been sitting in the aisle seat in the sold-out First Class cabin and had manipulated the young woman’s time whenever she hadn’t been assisting other customers. Near the end of the flight, she’d become a permanent fixture at our seats and I’d finally resorted to using the cheap airline headphones to escape the sound of Dante’s smooth voice as he’d shamelessly hit on her. But no amount of music had been able to keep me from seeing Dante’s hand constantly touching the woman’s arm, hip and thigh as they spoke. I’d wanted to shout with joy when the captain had finally announced that we were landing and ordered the flight attendants to take their seats. There’d been more flirting with the rental car attendant as well as the young man who’d checked us into our hotel room and by the time I’d thrown open the door to our suite, I’d been done and I hadn’t said a word to Dante even after he’d asked me what I wanted to do for dinner. I’d merely escaped into one of the bedrooms and had begun checking emails and texts before nodding off. I’d ended up sleeping for nearly two hours and had only managed to wake up in time to call Hawke in the hopes I could chat with Matty before he went to bed.