Not because I loved him. No, those feelings had died a million deaths every time his fists had connected with my body. I’d stayed because I’d been the strong one. I’d stayed because the man was still my father, even if he’d stopped playing the role.
Because I hadn’t stopped playing my role.
Seven long years later, I’d been freed from my self-imposed prison when my father’s liver finally gave out. Within a couple of years, I’d taken on the new roles of husband, father and dedicated law enforcement officer.
I’d failed at two out of three.
Exhaustion settled in my limbs as I looked around my bedroom. My eyes focused in on the empty nails on nearly every wall. I couldn’t even remember the day I’d taken down all of the pictures of Matty and Jenna. Just like my daughter and grandson, they’d been there one day and gone the next.
Movement outside the window caught my attention. My room overlooked the back of the property which included a small barn and two large pastures. I let my gaze travel over Dante’s body as he approached the closer of the two paddocks. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched…a far cry from the cocky way he typically carried himself. I regretted my harshness earlier. The young man hadn’t deserved to be the target of all my frustration and hurt. He’d simply been doing his job.
I got up and went to the window so I could see him better. Both horses had started walking up from where they’d been hovering near the doors that allowed them to go in and out of their stalls as Dante had neared them. He stopped just short of the fence and I wasn’t surprised when my horse, Ace, stuck his head over the top rail and extended his neck towards Dante. The big sorrel gelding was a ham and craved attention, whereas his stablemate, a gray mare named Dolce, hung back.
Dante held back for several long seconds before he finally reached out to stroke Ace’s face. My horse was pushy and clearly wanted more because he bumped his face against Dante’s hand until his chest was pressed up hard against the fence. Dante finally seemed to get the message and stepped forward. Ace nuzzled Dante’s pockets, looking for a treat, and then settled for pressing his face against Dante’s armpit. I couldn’t see Dante’s expression, but I saw him tentatively reach his arm out to wrap around Ace’s muzzle before he slowly dropped his cheek to Ace’s forehead.
The sight of Dante reveling in the quiet comfort the horse was offering fucked with me big time.
Because I was actually jealous of my horse.
I shook my head in disbelief. I had no idea how to reconcile all the emotions this man brought out in me. Not to mention the physical reactions I had whenever he was near. Hell, he didn’t even need to be around for my body to respond…all I had to do was think about him and my insides drew up tight while my skin grew hot and itchy. Images of Dante with the nurse in the hospital parking garage and the catering guy at the wedding assaulted me on a regular basis, though I never considered the other party in either scenario…just Dante. And the wrongness of him being with those other people had nothing to do with the fact they’d been random or inappropriate hook-ups, but I absolutely refused to consider the truth about why they still bothered me so much.
I needed to hang on to my delusions for a little while longer.
I had to believe that my reaction to him last night while he’d been with the two women in our hotel room, along with my subsequent, mind-altering orgasm in the shower afterwards, had been related to the stress I was under.
As for today when I’d watch Dante tease Jeff with the seemingly random comment about Jeff’s sturdy desk…shit, I had no explanation for my sudden desire to bend Dante over said desk to test his theory.
I actually felt my cheeks heat when Dante suddenly looked up at me. From the distance, I knew he couldn’t see my face, but I still felt like he knew I’d been thinking about him, because his eyes stayed on me for a long time. As much as it went against my nature, I was the one to look away first. I would have like to say I just had other shit to do, but the reality was I didn’t want to be reduced to jacking off again in the shower in a desperate attempt for relief. And since my cock had thickened in excitement the second Dante’s gaze had connected with mine, that was exactly the direction I was headed.
I turned my attention back to my bedroom with the intention of deciding which pieces of furniture I wanted to take with me to Seattle versus which I wanted to donate to charity, but even as I studied my king-sized bed, all I could imagine was Dante bent over the side of it, his hands fisted in the bedding as he begged me to fuck him.