“You said they got it early,” Hawke said, his voice soothing. How could one man be so terrifying one moment and so gentle the next?
“I…I saw the bruises a few weeks ago. I thought he got them from playing too rough,” I whispered. I looked at Hawke who was standing much closer to me than I’d realized. “I should have taken him to the doctor that day…what if those three weeks-”
“He’s going to be okay, Tate,” Hawke said firmly and I closed my eyes when I felt his big hand settle on my back between my shoulder blades. His palm rested there for a moment before drifting up to settle over my right shoulder and he squeezed gently.
The move unlocked something inside of me and I let out a hoarse sob. “I can’t lose him!”
I didn’t resist as Hawke pulled me to him and when I felt his broad chest pressed against my cheek, I began crying in earnest as I finally got what I’d needed for so long. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life as I let out all the fear and uncertainty that had hounded me in the two years that I’d taken Matty and escaped the life that had been drowning me.
“Daddy?”
I pulled back from Hawke’s hold to see Matty standing next to us, his big eyes pooling with tears. Before I could even react, Hawke was picking him up. “He’s okay, Matty. He just needs a really big hug, okay?”
Matty nodded as Hawke handed him over to me. Matty wrapped himself around me like a monkey and I let go of another round of sobs when he whispered, “It’s okay, Daddy. I’ll take care of you,” into my ear.
I wasn’t sure how long I held him for, but at some point we ended up sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. Matty sat back so he could study my face. “Love you lots,” he whispered and I let out a choked laugh.
“Forever and ever,” I responded. It was a saying we’d come up with, though I couldn’t remember where we’d gotten it from. It had just…been. Like me and Matty. One day we were strangers, the next we were family. It had just happened.
“I’m okay now,” I said to him as I used a dish towel that had magically appeared on the table in front of me to wipe away my tears. “Why don’t you go finish watching your cartoon?”
Matty nodded. He looked over his shoulder at Hawke who had returned to the chair across from us. I spared the man a glance and was surprised to see what I was sure I hadn’t last night…compassion.
“I think Daddy needs Spidey,” Matty said in all seriousness to Hawke. “He’s sad.”
Hawke nodded and pushed the doll across the table so Matty could reach it. He grabbed it and handed it to me. I was too emotional to speak so I gave him a nod and then pulled him back against me for another hug. His hold on me was unfailing and unhurried and I wondered again how I’d been lucky enough to have this kid in my life.
“Go on,” I finally said. Matty hopped off my lap and left the kitchen. I felt completely drained as I put the doll on the table and tried to wipe away the last remnants of my breakdown from my face. I forced myself to look up at Hawke. “You said your friend is a doctor?”
Hawke nodded. “He’s already in the process of finding the best oncologists at Seattle Children’s Hospital. Matty will get the best care possible. They’ll want to see the results of the tests Matty had done yesterday.”
I managed a nod. “I’ll call them from the car,” I said. As much as I hated being forced into this situation, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that Matty would be getting what he needed despite my lack of funds. Dr. Spengler had explained that Matty would have to be in the hospital for weeks at a time since the chemo would destroy his immune system. He’d get about a week or so between each phase of chemo where he could leave the hospital, but it would be at least six months before the first round of treatment was completed. The cost for his care would be staggering and since I had no documents proving Matty’s identity, I wouldn’t have been able to rely on any government programs for assistance. And after the prior day’s fiasco with the woman insisting I pay for part of the services up front, I couldn’t even be sure Matty would get any kind of care since I couldn’t afford to pay for it.
“I’ll find a way to pay you back,” I managed to say as I leaned back in the chair.