I kept my mouth shut as he drove us around to the other side of the motel and parked in front of our room. There were only a couple of other cars in the lot. As I pulled Matty from the backseat, Hawke got our stuff from the trunk and then opened the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when he flicked on the lights. It wasn’t a pretty room, but it looked clean. I carried Matty to one of the two beds and sat down.
“Matty, do you feel like taking a bath tonight?” I asked softly against his head. I felt him nod against my chest and I couldn’t help but smile. My kid loved his baths.
Hawke dropped mine and Matty’s bag on the bed next to me. I looked up to see him staring at Matty. I was surprised to see that the mask of indifference had disappeared and in its place was an intense look of longing. His eyes shifted to me and I sucked in a breath at the impact it had on me. God, what I would have given to have him lean down to brush his lips over mine. I didn’t know if Hawke saw something in my gaze because his eyes went dark with some unnamed emotion and then he shuttered them and suddenly turned and left the room. No explanation, no saying when he would be back. I shook my head as I held Matty tighter. I needed to get a fucking grip. If Hawke had any idea of the direction my thoughts kept wandering in, he’d kick my ass for sure.
I took Matty into the bathroom and got his bath started. He woke up enough to play with his new toy and his Spiderman doll in the tub, but as soon as I got him out and started drying him off, he started to drift again and by the time I put him in one of the beds, he was completely out. Hawke still hadn’t returned so I used the time to change into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. After rinsing, I used a hand towel to dry my mouth and turned to leave the bathroom when I saw Hawke watching me from the doorway. I managed to stifle a gasp at his sudden presence because I hadn’t heard the door open.
“I’m done in here,” I managed to choke out as I willed my speeding heart to slow down. I put the towel down on the counter. Hawke hadn’t moved at all and I felt excitement flood my system as his eyes stayed on me. I couldn’t pinpoint what he was thinking, but I knew what I was thinking…or rather, what my body was.
Since Hawke’s big body was blocking most of the doorway and he didn’t seem to be in any rush to move, I was forced to try to get past him without touching him. It would have worked if he hadn’t stepped forward just a little bit as I was walking past. The move had me pressed back against the doorframe and I froze in place as Hawke’s body brushed mine. The contact lasted only seconds, but it felt like forever as his chest skimmed mine. Even through my T-shirt, my skin burned and lit up with sensation and I sucked in a harsh breath as he held the position for a brief moment. I looked up to see that Hawke’s eyes were on me - on my mouth to be exact - and I licked my lips in anticipation. His whole body drew up tight and we both held there. The air sizzled around us and heat flooded my entire system as my cock filled in eagerness. And I knew if I didn’t move, he’d notice it because his crotch was almost brushing mine. If he just moved forward a little bit…
The whole thing ended when Hawke stepped past me into the bathroom and began to shut the door. I moved out of the way and felt my knees nearly give out as the door clicked into place. I stumbled to the bed I was sharing with Matty and dropped down on it and tried to catch my breath. I knew the encounter hadn’t lasted more than a few seconds and that I’d read way more into it than it had been, but it was just more proof that being in Hawke’s presence was dangerous in so many ways. Anxiety crept over me as the feeling of being trapped took over. Two years ago I’d risked everything to escape the life that had been forced upon me. And now it was happening all over again. Hawke, cancer…I couldn’t escape those things. Despair sank into my bones as I crawled into bed next to Matty and rested my head on the pillow next to his. But just as quickly as the hopelessness had come over me, the second Matty rolled and pressed himself up against my chest, it receded and I wrapped my arms around my son. Whatever came tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…I’d handle it. I had to. Because it wasn’t about me anymore. It hadn’t been about me for a really long time.