The bike shifted and began to roll forward and as much as I tried to maintain the distance between us, the movement of the bike had me sliding closer to Mav so I could get a better grip on him. The result was every part of my lower body pressed up against him. Thighs, ass, waist…there was no escaping. And I found for the first time in my life, I didn’t care. I didn’t even question what made me lean into him so that I could rest my chest along his back and my cheek on the back of his shoulder. I just allowed myself to feel something I hadn’t felt in years.
Freedom.
* * *
I was sweating long before Mav even began breaking down the elements of the first move he was going to teach me.
Mav had been surprisingly quiet once we’d reached the hotel. He’d escorted me to the gym and instructed me to get warmed up by jumping on the elliptical machine while he went to his room and changed. He’d been back within ten minutes wearing a pair of navy blue long athletic shorts and a white T-shirt and when he’d climbed onto the treadmill next to my machine, it had taken every ounce of concentration to maintain my pace. He’d started running on the machine within a few minutes and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from sneaking peeks at his muscled body as it powered forward.
Fifteen minutes passed before he stopped his machine and mine and while he’d barely broken a sweat, I was seriously worried I was going to pass out. Mav tossed me a towel and I followed him to a corner of the gym where there was a clear area. I tried not to let my eyes fall to his ass, but I couldn’t help myself and when I finally looked up, I realized there was a wall of mirrors in front of us and Mav could have easily seen me checking him out. But if he’d noticed my perusal, he didn’t say anything. In fact, he was all business as he began breaking down the different steps and while that should have comforted me, it didn’t.
I was doing pretty well with following Mav’s instructions, but when it came time to actually practice the first move from beginning to end, all my fear came back because Mav had to pretend to grab me around the throat so I could break free of him. The second his big hand closed around my neck, I felt pain start to spread throughout my chest and every breath I took fell short.
“Eli,” Mav said gently. “Look at me.”
I barely heard him over the roaring in my ears, but when he repeated the order, his voice heavier, I opened my eyes which I hadn’t even realized I’d closed at some point. Even though Mav was still holding me by the throat, just seeing his face immediately helped ease some of the panic that was trying to consume me.
“Break it down,” Mav said firmly.
I managed a nod and concentrated on all the steps I’d just spent the better part of an hour learning. It seemed like every one was in slow motion, but when I finally reached the last step to knock Mav’s hand loose, he released his hold on me.
“Good,” was all he said and then his hand came up to grab me again. “Again.”
I didn’t give myself time to think about my fear and managed to get through the moves again, this time just a little bit faster. I knew in a real situation that I wasn’t putting enough force behind the steps to actually reach the end result of escaping the grip on my throat, but the more I repeated them, the more empowered I felt. By the twentieth or thirtieth time, a fierce surge of energy was rushing through me and I began to get excited by the prospect of Mav’s hand closing around my throat. Over and over I knocked his hand away, not caring if I was throwing too much force behind my blows. When Mav finally stepped back to indicate we were done, my lungs were burning and my skin was flushed with heat and sweat.
But that wasn’t the only thing.
I was crying.
I was fucking crying and I had no idea why.
And it felt amazing.
“I…I…” I started to say to Mav in way of explanation, but shook my head because I had no idea how to explain how good I felt. He probably thought I’d completely lost my mind.
But instead of looking at me like he was wondering what kind of head case he’d hooked up with, Mav stepped forward and brought his hand up to gently cup the bruised side of my face. His thumb stroked through the track of tears that were streaming down my face. And then it was dragging the moisture of my tears down to my mouth. All my excitement and pride settled in my gut and exploded into something bigger…something that had me wishing I could find out what his lips would feel like against mine.