As Bullet cocked his head, I sat up and listened for whatever the dog was hearing. And then I heard it. Moaning.
Coming next door from Ronan’s room.
I waited quietly to see if the moaning would stop but it grew louder and I finally swung my legs over the bed and left the room. Ronan’s door was slightly open so I could hear that in addition to moaning, he was talking.
“Ronan,” I called as I pushed the door open.
Bullet brushed past me and trotted up to Ronan’s bed.
“Trace,” Ronan whispered. “Please stay with me, Trace.”
I swallowed hard at the sound of my brother’s name, but Ronan’s broken voice kept me moving forward. I carefully turned on the light next to Ronan’s bed, but didn’t touch him despite wanting to. I’d learned my lesson long ago when I’d tried waking Trace from a nightmare when he’d been home between deployments. I’d been lucky that all he’d done was punch me in the chest but my parents had had to take me to the hospital to make sure he hadn’t broken anything. Trace had been wracked with guilt and had warned me over and over again not to touch a soldier while he was having a nightmare, since the reaction could be lethal.
Ronan’s brow was dotted with sweat and the blanket was bunched around the lower part of his body. His fists were clenched and I could see that his face was drawn up in agony. But what really had my attention were the dozens of jagged scars that covered his chest. I knew instantly what they were because they looked like mine. But they weren’t like the penetrating stab wounds along my chest and side. No, they were shallower, longer – designed to inflict pain, not death.
The knowledge that Ronan had been tortured in the same way I’d been distracted me and it was actually Bullet who woke Ronan up by putting his paws on the bed and licking Ronan’s face. Fortunately, Ronan didn’t strike out at the dog but he did jerk upright. His panicked eyes settled on me and then slowly cleared as he looked around the room.
“You were having a nightmare,” I managed to say, though my eyes were still on his chest.
“Sorry,” he muttered before dropping his legs over the side of the bed and resting his head in his hands, the blanket draped over his lower body.
“Ronan, your chest-”
“Go back to bed, Seth.”
I knew it was the wrong thing to do before I did it but some sick, twisted part of me ignored the mental warning and I reached out to run my fingers over one of the scars. Ronan grabbed me long before my skin connected with his and his eyes lifted to meet mine, but I couldn’t get a read on what he was thinking. Not that it mattered because the iron-hard grip he had on me was answer enough. And at that point, I knew I was done. I had nothing left to give this man. He’d broken me.
I tugged my hand free and he released it instantly.
My chest hurt as I took a step back. If I hadn’t known better, it had been me who’d woken him up and he’d struck out at me just like Trace had years earlier. I was glad that I didn’t feel any tears tugging at my eyes, though I wasn’t sure why since the pain I was feeling was a thousand times worse than the agony I’d felt as the blade had cut through me over and over again that terrible night so long ago.
I turned to go but sucked in a breath when I once again felt Ronan’s fingers close around my wrist.
“I lied.” Ronan’s whisper was barely even that, but I didn’t dare turn back in case I broke whatever spell had caused him to stop me from leaving.
“About what?” I managed to ask, my voice sounding loud compared to his.
“You asked if Trace asked me to keep an eye on you…”
“You said he did,” I said as I carefully turned back to face him. His head was hanging but he still had a hold of my wrist.
“He did. But I could have done that from anywhere. I could have paid someone to do it. That isn’t why I keep coming back here…why I keep watching you from the woods…”
The admission was so much and still not enough, but I didn’t know what to say so I remained silent.
“God forgive me, but I stopped seeing you as Trace’s brother a long time ago,” he said hoarsely. His eyes finally lifted and where they were expressionless before, they were filled with turmoil now. My insides knotted up when I felt his finger brushing back and forth over the inside of my wrist.
“Seth,” Ronan whispered. I realized my eyes had dropped to the spot where our bodies were joined and I forced my eyes back up. “I’m not that man anymore.”