Salvation (The Protectors 2)

“This is your favorite, right?” Ronan asked as he motioned to the game that was booting up. I only managed a nod because I hadn’t actually played any video games after my parents and Trace had died, because it was another link to them that I couldn’t bear to deal with.

I dropped down onto the couch next to Ronan as the game started up. It was a racing game that Trace and I had spent countless hours playing whenever he was home and on a few occasions, Ronan and I had played as well, though being in Ronan’s presence had always made me too nervous to really focus on the game.

I was beyond rusty but luckily, so was Ronan. And while I was still nervous around him, I still managed to kick his ass on the first game. He returned the favor on the second and by the third, we were in an all-out death race to the finish line. We played for more than an hour before switching to Tetris, another one of my favorites.

“Trace loved this game,” Ronan suddenly announced as we started up a new round. It was so strange to have Ronan initiate a conversation about Trace that I actually held my breath in hopes that he would continue. He didn’t.

“He used to let me win,” I ventured.

“Yeah, early on. But then you got good.” Ronan glanced at me and smiled. “He used to practice as much as he could on his downtime so he could beat you. It drove him crazy that his kid brother kept kicking his ass.”

I chuckled. “He did like to win at everything.”

“He did,” Ronan mused.

“What about you?” I asked.

“What? Did I like to win?” Ronan asked.

I nodded.

Ronan thought about it for a moment. “I liked being the best at things like school and work. But I liked not having to worry about it with him. He liked to win but he knew how to have fun doing it. I needed that in my life.”

I knew we were treading on dangerous ground so I considered my next words carefully. “You didn’t get enough of that growing up? Fun, I mean?”

I saw Ronan’s thumb start rubbing the edge of the game controller and I couldn’t help but wonder if he weren’t holding it, would he be tapping his fingers together instead? As his silence went on, I didn’t expect him to answer me and I reached for the button that would start the next game.

“I didn’t have what you guys had, Seth,” Ronan murmured as his eyes fell to the controller in his hand. “I didn’t even know what I was missing until I met him…till he brought me home to meet you guys.”

I forced back the lump of emotion in my throat. “What did you have?”

Another lengthy silence, then, “Hate, anger, guilt.”

I wanted desperately to touch him but I remained perfectly still. “Your parents?”

“My father.”

I swallowed hard at hearing the same two words he’d said to me earlier. “What about your mother?”

“She died giving birth to me,” Ronan said. “The way he talked about her…I knew they were happy. He used to tell me stories about how they met in high school and he asked her to marry him when they were both fifteen. He gave her a promise ring and they got married the day after they graduated.”

The story should have been a happy one but I could tell from his tone that it hadn’t been told that way to him. But I held my tongue.

“He used to say it should have been me instead of her…he said the doctors should have let him decide which one of us to save.”

Anger surged through me but I managed to keep quiet. But I instinctively moved closer to him before I realized what I was doing, but Ronan was too lost in himself to notice. “She wanted to be a doctor,” Ronan whispered.

I stilled. “Your mom?” I asked gently.

He nodded. “She’d been accepted to medical school when she found out she was pregnant. I was born a few weeks before she was supposed to start. She and my dad had it all planned out...how they were going to take care of me but still make it so she could go.”

I ached to touch Ronan, but I settled for carefully removing the controller from his grip because his hold on it had turned brutal. The move allowed me to get closer to him but he didn’t seem to notice because he began tapping his fingers together. His eyes were on the paused game on the screen but I could tell he wasn’t seeing it anymore.

“I…I actually thought he’d forgive me if I followed in her footsteps.”

“By becoming a doctor, you mean?”

A curt nod. “It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.”

“Is your dad still alive?”