Defiance (The Protectors 9)

He did as I said. His amber eyes were heavy with confusion, lust, and shame. “Lie to me, lie to your brother, lie to the whole goddamn world, but stop lying to your fucking self, Nathan.”

I released him and stepped back, putting a good foot between us.

“You should take your own advice,” he said just as I began to turn away. He straightened and whispered, “Was all this really about teaching me a lesson? Or was it you wanting to make sure I knew you were in control…that you have all the power here?”

He was the one to close the distance between us this time and I held my breath as he got in my space, but didn’t touch me. “Or maybe you’re trying to convince yourself you’re still in control,” he murmured. His eyes fell briefly to my lips before lifting again. “Maybe it isn’t about me at all,” he ventured.

His words hit just a little too close to home. I stepped forward, forcing him backwards until his back once again hit the fridge.

“It’s most certainly about you,” I said coolly. “And that control you’re so worried about is the only thing keeping me from bending you over that table” – I pointed to the kitchen table – “and fucking you so long and so hard that once I’m finished, you’ll be shouting to anyone and everyone who will listen that you’re all about dick now.”

I could see it on the tip of his tongue…his pride getting ready to force my hand. “Don’t,” I whispered right before he opened his mouth. “I’m too close,” I said huskily. “Do you really want your first time with a guy to be on a fucking table, Nate?”

I knew I was making an assumption about him never having been with a guy before, but everything was telling me he wasn’t the kind of closet case who’d come out long enough to test the waters at any point in his life.

It took an inordinate amount of time for him to shake his head. We were so close I could feel his chest rising and falling against mine. At some point, his hands had come up to settle on my waist while I’d plastered mine on the fridge along either side of his head. I needed to step back. I needed to tell him to go to bed. I needed to escape to the safety of my room so I could call up an image of David and ease the painful throb in my cock with my own hand. But I didn’t move.

“Go,” I managed to get out.

But he didn’t move. His eyes held mine and then I saw it. The slightest shake of his head.

“Jesus,” I whispered and then I was closing my mouth over his.

Chapter 9

Nathan

Even though I’d known it was coming, had asked for it even, I couldn’t have begun to fathom my reaction to it. I’d kissed a few women in my time, but I’d passed off my lack of interest in the act as just not being that guy.

But even if Vincent hadn’t forced me to confront the lie head-on a few minutes earlier, the feel of his mouth slanting over mine certainly would have done it.

I most definitely was that guy.

Because kissing Vincent, or being kissed by him, rather, since I wasn’t doing anything but trying to survive the onslaught, was unlike anything I could have even perceived. My entire body came alive the second his hard lips ground over mine, and I felt tears stinging my eyes as an emotion I never would have ever considered bombarded me.

Relief.

Humiliation went through me as Vincent gentled his kiss and then pulled back just a little. “Nate?” he whispered, and then the rough pad of his thumb was swiping through the silent tears that were skimming down my face.

I shook my head and tried to keep myself from completely breaking down. Because I really wanted his mouth back on mine. “I’m sorry,” I said as I shook my head.

“Why are you sorry?”

He tipped my head up, forcing me to look at him. I felt like a foolish child instead of a grown man. I shook my head again. No way I could tell him.

His lips brushed over mine tenderly. “Tell me,” he urged.

I laughed as he held me there like that, and I knew he was going to strip me raw without even trying. I didn’t recognize my own voice as I whispered, “It’s like I can finally breathe.” I released one of my hands from his waist long enough to wipe at my eyes. He didn’t move his own hand away. “I know that doesn’t make sense,” I stammered as I struggled to keep looking at him. When he didn’t say anything, I tried to pull away so I could escape the humiliating moment.