Well, two now.
“And you’ve fucked up my entire life…” There was still no anger in his voice as he lifted his eyes. “Tell me I’ve fucked up your life, Vincent. Tell me that what happened down there” – he pointed towards my bedroom door – “wasn’t just because you were pissed.” He sucked in a breath. “Tell me that leaving me this morning was hard for you…that lying to me was hard for you.”
I knew what he wanted, and I knew no matter what I said, I was going to end up hurting him. I could lie and tell him every kiss, every touch, every second I’d spent lost inside his body was nothing more than me getting my rocks off with someone who represented all the people who’d ruined David’s and my life.
Or I could tell him the truth and then try to explain to him why none of it mattered…why it changed absolutely nothing.
So I settled for something that had served me well in the past.
I kept my mouth shut and turned away from him and let him believe whatever the hell he wanted. It was the coward’s way out, but for once, I didn’t care. I kept my eyes on the expansive view of my backyard. I ignored the urge to look at the spot by the pond where everything had changed…where I’d slid into his body for the first time and had been certain it had been made just for me.
But of course, that was exactly where my gaze took me.
And all the while, Nathan remained where he was. I wanted to scream at him. To tell him to look around him…that this was my life. A life I couldn’t condemn him to.
Or myself.
That was the crux of it.
Even if I thought there was something between us worth exploring beyond the intense chemistry, I couldn’t go through even another minute like the thirty I’d spent in my car racing back here. I couldn’t obsess over Nathan’s whereabouts every second of every day and wonder if today was the day my enemies made the connection…that I finally had a vulnerability I couldn’t protect.
The mere thought of putting Nathan in danger had me forcing coldness into my voice as I said, “Nathan, go pack. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”
He didn’t respond and I didn’t dare look at him. But it wouldn’t have mattered because he was pushing into my arms a moment later, his strong fingers reaching up to clasp the back of my neck. “No,” he said firmly. “You broke our deal when you left me. I don’t take orders anymore.” He yanked me down for a hard kiss. I tried to keep from kissing him back, but it was like trying to stop the coming tide. But it wasn’t until he whispered, “Only place you get to order me around is in that big bed of yours, Vincent” and nipped at my lips and then licked over them with his tongue, that I knew I wasn’t going to win this one.
“What do you want?” he asked huskily.
I knew that physically, he was no match for me. But that didn’t matter, because he’d said the right words. He’d flipped that switch inside me that had lain dormant since I’d lost David.
David, who’d been the only one I’d ever trusted enough to show him what I needed.
Until now.
“Get on your knees,” I growled.
Nathan’s breath came out in a rush and his eyes went dark. He slowly sank to his knees in front of me. I could tell he knew what I wanted and that, despite everything I’d done to him, he was nervous. It was exactly the reason I’d given the order.
But I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to go.
Or stay.
He made the decision for me when he lifted his eyes to meet mine and waited. His hands were resting on the outside of my thighs.
“Open my pants. Take me out.”
His fingers shook as he did what I said, and it took him longer than it probably should have. But all that did was turn me on. I loved this side of him…this side where he confronted his fear, despite the fact that it made him so open and vulnerable.
I let out a groan as his fingers grazed my skin as he carefully worked my dick free of my pants. My eyes were fastened on him as he stared hungrily at my cock. His fingers were gently gripping my base. I could see my own juices still clinging to my dick since I hadn’t had a chance to clean up after the encounter in the kitchen beyond washing my hands.
Nathan didn’t even wait for my next order. Instead, he leaned in and pressed his nose against my groin and inhaled deeply. His thumb toyed with my skin briefly, and then his warm breath wafted over my flesh as he tentatively licked the shaft. He’d already tasted himself the night before when I’d shared the essence of his release with him, but he lingered over my flavor for a brief moment before taking another lick.