I’d spent the day in my office trying to track down Nathan’s assailant, but hadn’t had any luck. Whoever the guy was, he was good at not leaving an electronic footprint behind.
“Not yet,” Nathan murmured. I liked how he leaned into my touch.
I swung my leg over the lounger just behind him and then sat down. I settled against the lounger’s back. “Come here,” I said softly as I closed my fingers over Nathan’s elbow. He glanced over his shoulder at me and then got up. He settled himself between my legs and pressed his back against my chest. The intimate embrace should have felt awkward, but it just felt…right.
I settled my arm around his waist and then put my beer on the ground next to me. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the new watch I’d programmed for Nathan. He didn’t object when I fastened it around his right wrist. In fact, when I was done, he grabbed my fingers and laced them with his and then pulled my hand around to his chest.
“Nathan, we need to talk about what happened this morning,” I began. “I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry…it was incredibly irresponsible.”
He didn’t respond at first. When he did, it was merely to pull my fingers to his mouth so he could press a kiss against them. “I trust you, Vincent. I know you would never put me in danger.”
“I wouldn’t,” I confirmed. “But I should have told you beforehand that I’ve been tested and I’m negative.”
Nathan nodded. “Me too. My last girlfriend wasn’t exactly faithful, and even though I always used protection with her, I wanted to be sure.” After several beats, he went on to say, “I liked it…knowing part of you was still with me.”
Fuck, this man was going to be the death of me. How had I ever thought he was like the others in his business? The man seemed incapable of telling a lie.
Nathan settled more heavily against me, and I gladly wrapped my arms around him when I felt his body tremble.
“I told Everett I was gay,” he whispered.
I settled my mouth against his temple. “How did it go?”
“It was scary as fuck.”
I nodded in understanding, even though he couldn’t see me. I figured he could feel the motion.
“I can’t stop thinking about Brody…how scared he must have been to tell me. He was so young…”
“You were, too,” I reminded him.
He shook his head. “I was his big brother. I was supposed to look out for him. He…he’d barely even gotten the words out when I told him he wasn’t…that he couldn’t…”
Nathan’s voice broke, but he pressed on. “I told him he couldn’t be a fag and that he’d go to hell.” Nathan’s hand reached up to wipe at what I assumed were tears. “But he refused to take it back. I called him a sick pervert, and then I went straight to my father and told him what Brody had said. I betrayed my own brother.”
A sob tore free from him, and when he curled his body so he could press his wet face against my chest, I gladly held onto him. I dropped a kiss to his head. “It’s okay, Nathan.”
He shook his head. “No. My father…he threatened to send Brody to one of those places where they pray the gay away…”
I stiffened at that. “Conversion therapy?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “Brody begged my father not to. He promised he’d overcome it. My father was paranoid that it would somehow be leaked to the press, so he agreed to have our minister meet with Brody. It lasted weeks. Brody met with him night after night for hours at a time. He…he never told me what happened during the sessions, but I didn’t even recognize him when he was deemed cured. It was like he was just this shell of himself. We barely talked after that. The plan had always been for us to go to college and law school together, but he convinced my father to let him go to Yale while I attended Princeton. He came out again to our entire family a couple months after graduating from law school. I cut him out of my life after that. Told him he was a sick fuck and we were no longer brothers.”
I sucked in a breath. It was hard to link the man in my arms to such a cold act of cruelty.
“It should have been harder,” Nathan murmured. I could feel moisture seeping through my shirt and realized Nathan was likely still crying, but silently.
“What should?” I asked.
“Coming out for the first time. It should have been to my father or someone like him.”
“Is that what you think Brody would have wanted? For you to suffer like he did?”
“No, Brody’s too good of a man for that.”