And I couldn’t do that to my brother and his husband-to-be. Or any of the dozens of men and women who’d become my family over the past two years. I might not have interacted with all of them as much as I would have liked, but they never failed to interact with me and always included me in their family events, even when they knew I wouldn’t attend. On my birthday and Christmas I was always showered with presents, even though I wasn’t able to make myself go to the large gatherings. Dante and Magnus had always chosen to celebrate those holidays with me and we’d occasionally have Matty and his fathers there too, but that had been the extent of it.
But now they were all in danger because of me.
I could only hope that the men hunting me wouldn’t figure out my connection to the members of my extended family. But even if they did, I knew Dante would make sure everyone was safe. Not to mention that the men in the large family weren’t exactly helpless. I wasn’t really sure what it was Dante exactly did for Ronan Grisham, the man he worked for. But I’d seen enough to know that it wasn’t just “security” like Dante would always say. I probably should have asked more questions, but that concept was just like the choices one.
I didn’t do either well.
I sighed and stared at myself. I was still wearing the light-yellow button-up shirt with the flower shop’s logo on it, but there was a big wet spot on the lower part of it where I’d thrown up and the top three buttons were gone. My khaki pants looked okay, just really wrinkled. My face was red and splotchy and my eyes looked swollen, likely from the seemingly endless tears.
Those were another consequence of having choices and freedom.
Father hadn’t liked it when I cried. His punishments had proven just exactly how much it displeased him when I showed any kind of emotion. But if I was with Dante or Magnus when something caused me to lose control of myself, all I ended up with was a gentle touch on my shoulder or a strong pair of arms around me that would hold me as tight as I needed until the wayward feelings went away. Even seven-year-old Matty would hug me when he merely suspected I was on edge… of course, he had a habit of hugging me just because.
Magnus’s grandson really was a great hugger.
He was another reason I was doing this… there was no chance in heck I’d risk anything coming even close to that little boy. Even though his fathers were more than capable of taking care of him, I wasn’t going to give the people pursuing me even the opportunity to go after little Matty Hawkins. The boy had spent more than a year battling cancer and deserved a normal childhood… I would not be the reason that was stolen from him.
Spying the shower in my reflection, I turned and got it started. I waited to make sure the water would turn warm, then began unbuttoning the rest of the buttons on my shirt. I stripped it off and then quickly cleaned it using a little soap and water from the sink, then laid it out on the countertop to dry. It wouldn’t be anywhere near dry enough to wear when I was done showering, but it would have to do.
I scanned the drawers and cabinets for some toothpaste but there was nothing. I didn’t even see a towel, so I knew I was going to have to use my wet shirt or risk dampening my pants to dry off. I should just forgo the shower, but between the man in the van touching me, the tears that had left my eyes stinging, and the vomit clinging to my skin, I wanted that shower almost as much as I wanted to go home.
I was in the process of reaching for the button on my pants when something in my periphery caught my attention. I managed not to jump at the sight of Vaughn in the open doorway. It wasn’t until that very moment that I realized I’d left the door open.
Father had never allowed me to close the door of any room I was in by myself, including the bathroom, so in the past two years I’d tried to break that particular habit. But it was something I deliberately had to do and whenever I did, it’d felt like I was disappointing Father and risking his wrath. My brother and Magnus had undoubtedly wondered what was wrong with me whenever they’d see me go into the bathroom in their house and then spend five minutes just opening and closing the door as I tried to convince myself I wouldn’t be punished for putting a door between me and the outside world.