Watch Me

God, I'm such a dick.

The need to escape became greater and greater.

"Falkov?" someone called. We all looked down the hall to see a nurse scanning the area. Nikolai's parents immediately rushed toward her. Nikolai looked at me and said, “There must be news on Maks."

"Go," I said with a jerk of my head. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

“Don’t leave," Nikolai said.

As much as I wanted to get the hell out of there, I knew that if I left, Nikolai would feel obligated to come after me. I couldn't and wouldn’t do that to Nikolai or his family.

"I'll stay, I promise.”

Nikolai held my eyes for a moment before nodding. He took a few steps down the hall but stopped when his niece whispered something to him. He looked down at her and then turned around. "Are you okay if she stays with you?" Nikolai asked. “She’s not a fan of hospitals."

I looked at the little girl. "Of course," I said. "That's fine."

I had no clue what to do with the child, but if keeping an eye on her helped Nikolai out, I’d do it. I considered his comment about her not liking hospitals and again wondered if this wasn't a first-time experience for the family.

Nikolai said something in Russian to the little girl and set her on her feet. She sidled up next to me and put her hand in mine.

"Thank you," Nikolai said to me. He gave my free hand a squeeze before he turned to join his parents. The nurse led them into a room.

I looked down at Natalia. "Do you want to sit?" I asked. I looked over my shoulder at the busy waiting room.

"There's a play area over there," she said as she pointed to a small room across from the waiting area. "They have good Legos."

I let the little girl lead me to a large room that was packed with kids playing with various toys. Natalia held on to my hand as she directed me to a corner where there was a large plastic bin.

"Sit," she said as she dropped to the floor and crossed her legs. She began rifling through the bin until she found a smaller plastic container packed full of Legos which she promptly dumped between us. I felt a little awkward being one of the only adults actually interacting with a child in the room, but once Natalia began explaining what she wanted to build, it was surprisingly easy to drown out all the voices and chaos around us.

As Natalia and I worked to build the boat she had envisioned in her head, I said, "You're right, these are some good Legos."

Natalia nodded. "I've got good ones at home. Uncle Nikolai buys them for me all the time. They’re better than the ones at Dr. Meanie’s."

"Dr. Meanie?”

“I’m not supposed to call him that even though that’s what he is,” the little girl confided. "He makes Maks cry. I don’t like it so I always play with the Legos."

Her statement was further proof that this wasn’t the first time the little boy’s health had been an issue. I wasn't about to question the little girl about her brother's condition, though, so I focused on helping Natalia build what turned out to be an elaborate cruise ship.

“We’re going to go on one of these someday. Uncle Nikolai said so,” Natalia declared.

I ended up losing track of time as Natalia and I constructed the ship. I was impressed with the girl’s imagination and actually enjoyed listening to her as she talked about everything and anything. When a hand settled on my shoulder, I jumped in surprise because I'd forgotten all about the fact that we were in a crowded room. I looked up to see Nikolai standing over me. As I scrambled to my feet, Nikolai’s strong fingers wrapped around my elbow to support me.

"Is Maks okay?" I asked.

Nikolai nodded and then said to Natalia, "Nattie, Jude and I are going to talk outside. Can you hang here for a few minutes?"

Natalia nodded and then lifted her eyes and said, “Look, Uncle Nikolai! Jude made it,” as she pointed to the ship.

“We made it,” I corrected.

“Now it looks real,” she declared as she began pointing out specific parts of the ship where I’d given her ideas on how to build it out more.

“It looks great,” Nikolai said. His dark eyes moved between me and his niece. I shifted uncomfortably because I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I reminded him.

Nikolai nodded and then led me out of the room. He found a relatively quiet spot in the hallway just outside the playroom that gave us some privacy but still allowed him to keep an eye on Natalia.

Nikolai looked completely worn out. It was all I could do not to reach out and touch him. What I really wanted to do was pull him into my arms and tell him that everything would be okay.