Watch Me

Nikolai leaned into me but he didn't kiss me like I was hoping. Instead, his fingers wound around mine as his dark eyes filled with some emotion that I couldn’t identify. Nikolai's forehead pressed against mine as if he were trying to get control of himself. It was a sentiment I completely understood because I was in the same boat. I felt like I was coming off the craziest of adrenaline rushes and my body was still trying to recover.

I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of Nikolai pressed up against me. He held me there like that for several moments and then, instead of kissing me, he brushed his nose against mine in the softest, sweetest of gestures. All too soon, he stepped back and then led me away from the bed and toward the door opposite it. I didn't know what to make of the fact that he was taking me to my bathroom, but I didn't really care either. I would've followed the man anywhere.

That fact scared the hell out of me because it was just further proof of how dangerous my need to be with him had become.

Once inside the bathroom, I remained in a trance of sorts as Nikolai reached into the shower and turned it on. The water warmed instantly, filling the room with a gentle steam.

My limbs felt like jelly as Nikolai stepped back into me. His fingers sought out my skin beneath the hem of my T-shirt. My dick, which had already been at half-mast, came to full attention as his calloused skin came into contact with my own. His fingers closed around the edge of my shirt and then he was drawing it off and over my head.

Unable to remain a passive participant, I found myself curling my arms around Nikolai's neck. I leaned into him and dropped my head to his shoulder. His big hands smoothed up and down my back several times. He seemed to know that I needed a minute to gather myself, though I wasn’t sure how he could know that.

The noise in my head was painfully loud and that voice—that insidious voice—was trying to break into the moment so it could remind me that I didn't belong there in Nikolai’s arms. That it wasn't me he wanted. He only wanted the same thing all those faceless guys in the club wanted when they put their hands on me.

I found myself shaking my head against Nikolai's shoulder as I tried to ignore the voice. I was surprised when Nikolai turned his head so his lips were grazing my neck. "Stay with me," he whispered against my skin even as his hands continued to glide up and down my back.

I stiffened at his soft plea. There was no way he could know what my mind was doing. He couldn’t know how close I was to running.

He just couldn't.

But if he couldn't, then why was he just holding me like this? Why wasn't he taking what he wanted?

As much as I hated to admit it, the voice in my head began to win out as more tension invaded my body. I wanted Nikolai more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life, but could I truly stand to watch him walk away after he was finished with me? And he would be finished with me. After everything I’d told him—which had only scraped the surface—there was no place else for him to go but away.

I was about to pull free of Nikolai's hold when his lips suddenly grazed my ear. "It's lying to you, Jude. That voice in your head, in your heart, it's lying to you. I'm here because I want to be with you."

Nikolai leaned back enough to look me in the eye. His left hand came up and began toying with my hair. "I'm here because I need you. This isn't some pity fuck, or a way to get my rocks off.”

He leaned in and grasped the back of my neck firmly and then pressed his forehead against mine. “I need you," he insisted and then he was pulling back enough that his rich, luminous eyes could hold mine.

"You're so brave, my love," Nikolai whispered.

I was sure I'd heard him wrong. Not just the compliment, but the endearment as well.

"Stay with me, Jude," Nikolai implored as his lips skimmed my temple. I wasn't sure if I managed it or not, but I nodded and then wrapped my arms around his back and clung to him. The room was thick with steam as he resumed stroking my back. He separated our bodies only long enough to pull his own shirt off over his shoulders.

I’d had the chance to explore his body earlier in the day, but I’d been so eager to get his cock in my mouth that I hadn't savored every bit of soft skin and hard muscle that I'd encountered.