Watch Me

"Like what?" Nikolai asked.

"Like mine," I admitted.

"Makes sense," Nikolai responded. A comfortable silence fell between us for a few moments as Maks began to softly snore. "Thank you, Jude," Nikolai said before he looked up at me.

"I didn't do anything," I said.

"Yeah, you did," Nikolai murmured. He didn't expand on his statement and I didn't ask him to. I watched the little boy sleeping comfortably on his uncle's chest.

"You really love him, don't you? Natalia too," I observed.

Nikolai nodded.

"Can I ask what happened to their father?"

"He passed away shortly before Maks was born. He and Elena had been together since high school. He helped in the bakery. One day he was doing a delivery down the street and some kid who figured texting while driving was a good idea jumped the curb and hit him. Killed him instantly. Just like that, Natalia and Maks lost their father and Elena lost the love of her life."

"So you stepped in to help raise them," I offered.

"I'd already left the military, so it was easy to do."

"Why did you join the military in the first place?"

"I've always been close to my family. They’re the most important thing in my life," Nikolai said. "After the towers fell, I knew that I had to protect them. As hard as it was to leave, I didn't want that fight to come to our shores ever again." He paused before adding, “I just assumed I would make a career out of it but sometimes things don’t happen the way we expect them to.”

"So you moved back here after you were discharged?" I asked.

"I moved back here to the city, but not here," Nikolai said as he motioned to our surroundings. "Mike and I had talked about starting a business together, so I found a place closer to Brooklyn.”

"Are you talking about Smithfield Security?"

Nikolai nodded. "Mike and I were going to be equal partners, but when Maks got sick, everything changed."

"How so?"

"The medical bills started piling up. Fast. I didn't know it at the time, but my parents began selling off all of their assets, including cashing out their retirement plans, to pay the bills. It wasn't until they closed the second shop that they'd only opened last year that I realized something was wrong."

I thought back to when I’d initially met Nikolai and had done the research on his family. At the time, I’d just assumed the worst—that they weren’t good at managing their business. Later, when Nikolai had let it slip about Maks’s health problems and his parents getting behind on the insurance payments, I’d realized I was wrong. But to know that Dimitri and Anna had given up everything for the little boy just like they’d given up their previous life so Nikolai could have a future in the United States was like a punch to the gut.

That kind of unconditional love seemed like a fantasy to me, but I was staring it right in the face. I could think of only one reason why Nikolai would be living in the cramped space above the bakery and why he hadn't gone in on a partnership with Mike. I shook my head in disbelief. "You’re helping to pay for everything," I whispered.

Nikolai glanced out the window behind us. It overlooked nothing more than a dingy alley. "Easiest decision I ever made," he said. "Family comes first. Always."

"Nikolai, I'm sorry—"

"Don't, Jude," he interjected. He gave me a soft smile and said, "It's all good. We’re all good."

His words should have offered some comfort but there was a pit of lead in my stomach. "Nikolai, if you guys need some help getting back on your feet—"

"Jude," Nikolai cut in again. I immediately fell silent, because I'd already known what his response would be.

"I'm sorry," I murmured after a moment. "I don't mean to upset or embarrass you. It's just that I have more than enough money and you and your family are so amazing and you deserve better…"

My eyes began to sting and I found myself blinking rapidly in an effort to stave off the tears that were threatening. There was a slight shifting of the couch and then Nikolai was sitting next to me, Maks still out cold in his arms.

"Look at me," Nikolai commanded, and then his finger was under my chin, forcing me to make eye contact. He held my gaze for the longest time before he softly said, "Thank you."

He seemed genuinely grateful, but I knew it didn't change anything. "You won't take it, will you?"

Nikolai sighed and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. God, had I just fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me? The familiar ringing began in my ears, but it wasn't until his arm moved from my shoulder and down to my thigh that I realized I was tapping my fingers in the way I always did when I got anxious. Nikolai's hand wrapped around mine and then he linked our fingers.