Watch Me

“Do you plan to stop me with that?” Jude asked coolly as his eyes drifted to the gun I was holding loosely in my right hand. “Because that didn’t work out so well for you the last time.”

Jude made a move to step past me so he could open the door. I grabbed him before he could reach for the doorknob. I maneuvered him until his back hit the wall and used my body to keep him there. “I’m happy with how it worked out,” I said softly and then I closed my mouth over his.

He didn’t kiss me back, but he didn’t pull away from me either. I pulled back enough that I could look him in the eye. What I saw gave me hope. He was no longer emotionless, but I could tell he was waging some kind of war with himself.

None of this would work if I couldn’t get my Jude back.

I dropped my head until my lips were resting just to the right of his. As I pressed my forehead to Jude’s, I curled my fingers along the side of his neck. “Kiss me back, Jude.” When he didn’t respond, I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes. “Please, my love.”

It seemed like years went by before Jude shifted just a little bit and then his lips were on mine. I let out a whimper of relief and put every bit of myself into the kiss. My love, my fear, my sorrow, my hope…

The kiss ended all too soon. Jude was the one who ended it by turning his head away. My mouth landed on his cheek. His skin was damp and hinted at the saltiness of tears.

“Stay with me,” I murmured. Jude didn’t react to my request, so I pulled back a little. He wouldn’t look at me, but I could tell he was struggling to keep himself separate from me. “Stay with me,” I repeated as I leaned into him again.

Just as Jude began to turn into me, the door rattled in its frame as someone pounded on it from the other side. “Mr. Archer? Are you all right?”

Jude jumped in my hold and then pulled away from me. He managed to flip the lock on the door and open it before I could stop him. I was in the process of pulling him back to me when the lead security guy pushed into the apartment. I lifted my gun and pointed it at him.

I didn’t care that it made me look like a madman. I couldn’t let them take him from me.

I just couldn’t.

“Don’t!” Jude called when the guy along with the ones behind him drew their weapons. Before I could stop him, Jude stepped between us. I instantly lowered my weapon and was relieved to see the other guys do the same.

I grabbed Jude by the wrist and pulled him forward until there were just inches separating us. “I love you,” I practically yelled at him. I didn’t care that we had an audience, but I did manage to tamp down my temper. “I love you,” I repeated more softly. I tried to pull Jude even closer to me and at first, I thought I’d succeeded but at the very last second, he pulled back.

And kept going until the only thing keeping us connected was my hold on his wrist. His eyes were bright with tears, but they didn’t fall. It was when he looked away from me for the briefest of moments that I knew that I’d lost him. Because when he returned his gaze to me, the emotion was gone and all I saw was cool defiance.

“Prove it,” Jude said before he tugged his arm.

I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to let him go. But it wouldn’t be proof of my feelings… he just wanted to escape. To run. He’d spent a lifetime being shown the door by the people who hadn’t loved him enough when he’d been a kid. He was turning those tables now. He was going to be the one to choose to leave, to walk away, and I’d be the one left behind with a broken heart wondering why I hadn’t been enough for him.

I stepped forward until we were once again nearly touching. “I love you, Jude. Forever. And not the kind of forever that all those assholes supposedly promised you when you were a kid. The kind that’s real. The kind that doesn’t change. The kind that isn’t fucking convenient. I love you. No apologies, no fucking consolation prizes if it doesn’t work out because that’s not an option for me. You’re it, just as you are. You’re my future. The question is, am I yours? When you have that answer, you know where to find me because I’m not going anywhere, do you hear me?”