Shattered (The Protectors 11)

I was almost disappointed because I was itching for a fight.

Anything to get rid of the rage that was making my blood run cold.

Caleb was hurting himself.

On purpose.

I still couldn’t wrap my head around it, despite having seen the proof on his arm. Despite having felt the weight of the box cutter in my hand.

I didn’t know the young man who’d lain calmly beneath me last night and had told me he was too far gone already… that he wasn’t worth saving anymore.

Well, fuck that shit.

After I’d climbed off Caleb, he’d turned over on his side again. I’d sat on the edge of the bed for a long time as I’d tried to figure out how I’d managed to fuck all this up so badly, but when there hadn’t been any answers to find, I’d laid back down next to him and put my arm around him. He hadn’t melted against me like he had the previous night in the motel. There’d been no tears of despair on my skin to prove he hadn’t meant what he’d said about being beyond my or anyone’s reach, and no whispered fears or pleas to take his pain away.

There’d been absolutely nothing.

Just like there’d been nothing in his beautiful eyes when he’d declared himself shattered beyond repair.

Nineteen fucking years old and acting like his life was over.

No.

Fucking.

Way.

Not on my watch.

I shifted my eyes to Mav. He looked like complete and utter shit and remembering why he looked like that helped tamp down some of my anger.

“How’s Eli?” I asked.

“How do you think he is?” Mav asked, his own anger getting the better of him. Though I doubted it was all directed at me. “Twelve people watched and listened as he was forced to recount every single thing he had to do to survive as a kid and decided that somehow that meant he deserved to be repeatedly raped by a man twice his age who he also happened to call ‘Dad.’”

Memphis put his hand on Mav’s arm to calm him and Mav sucked in a deep breath. “He’s coming apart,” he murmured. “He’s with his fathers until I can get back.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. And I was. I’d met Eli several times and he was a really good guy. He’d made a good life for himself, despite all his suffering, and he’d taken Caleb in when Caleb hadn’t had anyone left.

“Eli needs to know his brother is safe,” Memphis suggested.

“He’s safe,” I said.

“I don’t have time for this shit,” Mav snapped, then he stepped forward. He stopped abruptly when I threw the box cutter at his feet.

“He’s safe,” I growled. “But he’s not okay. Far from it.”

Mav stared at the box cutter in confusion.

“He’s using that to cut his own fucking skin so he can escape all the shit inside him that he can’t deal with,” I bit out. Mav swallowed hard and then looked at Memphis before returning his attention to me. He began shaking his head, but I cut him off before he could speak.

“Believe it,” I snapped. “I saw the scars myself. You were supposed to be taking care of him!”

Mav’s expression hardened and this time when he came at me, Memphis had to step in front of him and force him back. “And where the fuck were you, Jace?” Mav yelled. “Not even one fucking phone call to see how he was doing?”

“You know why I couldn’t do that,” I retorted as the guilt cascaded through me.

“Yeah, I know why,” Mav ground out. I knew he wasn’t talking about Caleb’s attachment to me as having been the issue that had kept me away. He hadn’t said the words, but he knew the real reason I’d stayed away. And it wasn’t just because of the bullshit I’d spouted to Caleb the night before about wanting to protect him. I’d been protecting myself too.

I forced a deep breath of air into my lungs and then looked at Memphis and said, “Who’s the guy?”

Mav had calmed enough that he wasn’t trying to get past Memphis anymore.

“His name is Richard Jennings. He’s the headmaster at the prep school Caleb was attending. He doesn’t have a record… not even a parking ticket,” Memphis said. “He led a perfectly boring, quiet life until yesterday afternoon.”

“I doubt that,” I bit out. “Caleb wasn’t gunning for him because he assigned too much homework,” I said snidely. I paused and asked, “Did the cops track Caleb back to Seattle yet?”

“That’s the funny thing,” Memphis murmured. “Caleb’s name never came up in the investigation.”

“What?” I asked, completely taken aback.

“Daisy got her hands on the initial police reports. Jennings says he didn’t recognize the kid who tried to mug him.”

“That’s impossible,” I said. “I heard the guy say Caleb’s name. Why wouldn’t he tell the cops—” I stopped suddenly as my mind put two and two together.