Shattered (The Protectors 11)

My friend.

My confidant.

My escape.

I knew Jace would want me to stop hurting myself for good, and I wouldn’t have expected anything different. But saying I’d give up the one thing that had kept me from losing myself completely, and actually doing it, were two very different things. Even now, the emotion I was feeling was overwhelming. Most of it was good, but the doubt and fear were there too.

What if Jace hadn’t meant what he’d said? What if he decided I wasn’t worth the effort when he realized I couldn’t just fix myself and be everything he needed me to be? What if he got tired of being with someone who couldn’t separate the monster from the father long enough to completely let go of the past?

Would I survive losing Jace?

I hadn’t even noticed that the boat had come to a stop until Jace’s arms wrapped around me from behind. He kissed my neck. “Don’t overthink this,” he murmured.

“How can I not?” I asked. “I have so much more to lose now than I ever did.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“You can really do it, Jace?” I asked.

“Do what?”

“Love me even if I never find some of the pieces?”

He hugged me tighter. “I love you in this moment as much as I will ten years from now. Twenty, thirty, a hundred… doesn’t matter. No matter how many times you fall and shatter into a million pieces, I’ll spend every day of the rest of our lives helping you find any pieces that remain. The things I love about you can’t ever truly be lost, Caleb.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. Any words I might have spoken would have seemed inadequate to describe what he’d just done for me. With that one statement, he’d given me permission for so many things.

“Let’s go to bed,” Jace urged.

I held his words close to my heart as I turned to face him and said, “Jace, I’ve loved what we’ve done so far, but I don’t think I’m ready for anything more. I know you said I could, um, take you, but I don’t think I’m ready for that, either. The stuff I’m feeling, it’s already too much and I don’t know how to deal with it…”

As badly as I wanted to look at him, I couldn’t. The embarrassment was just too great.

But of course, Jace wasn’t satisfied, and he tipped my chin up. “We can do as much or as little as you want for as long as you want, Caleb. But I really need to hold you tonight. Five days without you in my arms has been pure hell.”

I smiled and nodded, then accepted his kiss.

He took my hand and led me below deck. I tugged him to a stop when he started to walk past the kitchen. I reached into the fridge and pulled out two containers of strawberry milk and then snagged the last package of Sno Balls from the counter.

“I’ll split them with you,” I said as I nodded at the Sno Balls.

He eyed me and then took the package and ripped it open. He removed one of the cakes and handed it to me, then put the other back on the counter. As he reached for my hand again, he said, “Don’t touch that one. I’ve got special plans for it.”

“What plans?” I asked.

But he didn’t answer me. It wasn’t until we were in bed that he gave me a preview by sliding his finger through the pink frosting and then pushing my shirt up. He swiped the frosting over my nipple, then proceeded to lick it off. I was moaning by the time he covered my mouth with his.

“Any questions?” he asked.

I shook my head, because I was incapable of speech.

“Good,” he said. He dropped a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Enjoy,” he added as he motioned to the Sno Ball that I was still holding in my hand. He winked at me as he reached for his milk.

Yeah? Two can play that game, buddy.

“Oh, I will,” I said as I made a big production of licking some of the frosting off the cake. I made sure to get some on my lip and then poked my tongue around my mouth to “find” it before I did the move all over again.

By the time I was finished, Jace was practically panting. “Did you enjoy that?” he asked.

“I kind of did,” I said with a grin.

And a wink.

“Good,” Jace said, then he brushed his mouth over mine. “Because come tomorrow, you’re going to pay for that.”

He kissed me deeply, then pulled me into his arms and all I could think was, God, I hope so.

Chapter 15

Jace

“You okay there, babe?” I asked casually as I watched Caleb squirm in his seat.

“Shut up,” he responded. “Could they make that shower any damn smaller?” he asked. “It’s impossible to reach all the important spots.”