Sage didn’t do what I said, but he didn’t move forward, either.
A sure sign of the battle raging inside of him.
I didn’t move and I didn’t spare Daisy a glance. I knew she was still in the room, but I needed her to be invisible at the moment.
For him.
And for me.
“Do I need to repeat myself?” I asked coldly.
Sage’s back was to me and I saw him shudder violently. Blood was dripping down his arm and hitting the floor, but the wound was relatively minor, so I didn’t focus on it. I couldn’t rush what needed to happen.
“No,” Sage murmured, but I knew he wasn’t saying no to my order – he was answering my question.
Sage slowly sank to his knees. As badly as I wanted to go to him and enfold him in my arms, I knew it wasn’t what he needed.
I snagged a clean towel off the counter and went to him. His eyes were downcast and his shoulders were slumped.
Broken.
Because I hadn’t been smart enough to see how badly he was suffering.
“Where are your eyes supposed to be?” I asked.
He immediately lifted them so he was looking at me, rather than the floor. I chanced a glance at Daisy.
She was standing in the far corner of the kitchen, her hands pressed against her stomach, like she was in pain. Her skin was shockingly pale and her eyes were wide with fear and confusion.
As badly as I wanted to comfort her, I couldn’t.
“Daisy, will you please go to Sage’s and my bathroom and get the first aid kit that’s in the cabinet behind the door? It’s in a black canvas zipper bag.” I didn’t wait to see if she did as I asked. Instead, I turned my attention back to Sage and studied his eyes. I was relieved to see they were bright with confusion, fear, and relief. He wasn’t completely where he needed to be, but he wasn’t stuck in the past either. And he wasn’t trying to run.
That was the most important thing.
He could have told me to stop and I would have been forced to let him go. I would have followed him, of course, until I’d been sure he was out of danger. But I wouldn’t have been able to give him even a single order.
It was a line I would never cross. That word was sacred to him, to us.
“Lift your left arm,” I said as I lowered myself to the floor.
He did as I said and I pressed the towel to the small puncture wound. My eyes fell on the scars that ran along the inside of both his forearms. I’d known what they were from the moment I’d first met him, but he’d never told me the exact details of what had caused him to try and take his life.
But I had a pretty good idea.
Knowing he’d gone to a place in his head for even the briefest of moments where something like that had become a possibility had my blood running cold.
What if I hadn’t looked over at him at precisely that moment?
I didn’t say anything as I held the towel to the wound. He wouldn’t look at me, but I was okay with that. I needed to get my emotions under control. If he saw what I was feeling at this exact moment, it would negate everything I was about to do.
Daisy returned with the first aid kit. I directed her to open it. When Sage’s gaze shifted to a visibly upset Daisy, I said, “Your eyes stay on me and nowhere else.”
A shudder rippled through Sage’s body as he snapped his eyes to mine. I was feeling calm enough to hold his gaze as I spoke.
“I’m going to clean and stitch this and then you’re going to finish making the salad.”
Sage’s relief was palpable and that helped my inner turmoil ease.
“Cash,” I heard Daisy whisper in what I could only term as a horrified voice. I shot her a glance, but didn’t speak. I shook my head once. She fell silent and dropped her eyes. I wanted so badly to comfort her and explain all this, but I couldn’t.
Sage needed me more than she did.
I focused on Sage and quickly cleaned and stitched his wound. He flinched when I inserted the needle through his skin, but didn’t make a sound.
“Good boy,” I said when I was finished. “Eyes straight ahead while I clean up. I also want you up on your knees until I say you can get up.”
“Yes, Sir,” Sage said softly, and he immediately lifted so all his weight was on his knees. Daisy had left the room at some point, and it honestly wouldn’t have surprised me to find that she’d left altogether. Hell, she could even be calling Ronan and telling him what freaks we were and begging him to come and get her.