I opened my mouth to apologize for something he probably hadn’t even realized I’d thought about him, but it was at that moment that his fingers brushed over the raised skin just above my left hip. The mere act of him pausing to examine the scar had my mouth going dry and my throat closing up. I willed him to move on, which he did, but only to seek out the next scar, the one on my shoulder. Then came the one on the back of my arm.
"Tell me about them," Luca whispered softly.
I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to talk more about him and all the little things that made him so different from the man I’d pegged him to be. But before I knew what I was doing, I was opening my mouth and letting slip free the things that I knew would end anything between us before it had even really begun.
I told him the truth.
Chapter Sixteen
Luca
Knife.
Boot.
Cigarette.
Hit by a car.
Dog.
All his responses were equally horrific and they kept coming for every scar I put my fingers on. "Dog?" I asked as I rubbed the old puncture wound on his lower arm.
Remy had gone still and stiff in my arms, but surprisingly, he was still talking. Part of me was sorry I’d ruined the light moment between us, but the other part of me had to know the truth. I hadn't really noticed the scars in the shower because I’d been too focused on getting Remy warm and comfortable. But now, I felt them everywhere. They were various shapes and sizes, and I couldn’t help but think of them as a roadmap of the life he’d been forced to face alone.
"They'd use them to track me when I tried to escape. By that time I was already just a sample, so it didn't matter if the dogs marked me up a little."
As I remembered his fear of Ronan's dog, I wanted to find the men who'd hurt him and tear them limb from limb.
“Sample?” I asked in confusion.
“That’s what they called the kids that weren’t worth enough money to sell. I guess it was their way of letting buyers sample the quality of their products before any money changed hands.”
I felt bile crawl up the back of my throat and it was all I could do to keep my grip on him soft. I’d known that was what Remy was when I’d been taken to the room he’d been in, but I hadn’t known there was an actual term for it… or that Remy himself had known that was what he was.
"Most of them are from Les or johns," Remy continued, his voice flat and empty.
I forced myself to focus on what Remy needed from me here and now rather than trying to force back the regret that burned at my insides like acid.
I knew what Remy meant by johns, of course. "Les?"
"My pimp. The people who took me sold me to Les when I was too old to be useful to them anymore. Five minutes after they handed me over to him, he shot me up and that was it. I was a junkie from that moment on. My only goal in life was to get high and Les was the only way I could do it."
I made a mental note of the name. How hard could it be to find a pimp in Chicago named Les? Hell, if there were more than one, I'd make sure they all paid.
"How did you get away?" I asked.
"Aleks's brother, Dante,” Remy responded.
I remembered the story Aleks had told me about how Remy had saved him. “Dante went looking for Aleks a few years back, right? You and Aleks met when you were kids. He had a unique birthmark on his collarbone and when you saw him again, you told Dante.”
Remy nodded. “Dante helped me get out of Chicago.”
"Is that when you went home to see your family?"
Remy shook his head. His hair brushed my chest. I hated that I wasn't able to look him in the eyes as he spoke, but I suspected he felt more comfortable with the positions we were in.
"No, um, I didn't want them to see me like that. All strung out. I was part of this methadone program that helped with some of the withdrawal symptoms, but it was still rough. I waited until I had a job, my own place, that sort of thing. I guess I wanted them to be proud of me or something." Remy let out a harsh laugh. "I had this whole speech planned for when I showed up at their door… I was gonna tell them all the good stuff first. Tell them I was okay and that they didn't need to worry. But I just kind of ended up blurting it all out."