Ronny chuckled and winked as he said, "Yeah, he knew about it."
My heart sank in my chest as I took in his meaning. I didn't want to believe Ronny's words, but the man had no reason to lie.
"Like I said, he was real grateful."
I felt like I was going to vomit, because there was no mistaking Ronny’s insinuation. I felt numb as I somehow managed to put the nozzle back and closed up the tank. The idea that my father had paid Ronny and some other kids to beat Xavier up had bile creeping up the back of my throat. I hadn't seen Xavier after that night at the barn, so I had no way of knowing if he’d been injured or not. But the idea that my father could've taken revenge on someone like that…
I heard Ronny say his goodbyes to me as I returned to the car, but I ignored him. My hands shook as I searched out my cell phone and dialed my mother's number. Her voicemail picked up, but I didn’t leave a message. My whole body shook as I considered that the man I'd been trying to be like for so long was capable of inciting such a cold and violent act. My father had always been hard on me and I’d never considered him to be a loving man, but to know that he’d had a sixteen-year-old kid beaten up—that he’d paid to have it done—was beyond my comprehension. He'd been a hard-ass, but he’d never been violent with me and I'd never once thought he'd raise a hand against me.
But he had raised his hand against Xavier. If he had that kind of lust for vengeance somewhere inside of him, then what else was in there? I tried to reason through that maybe it had been a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, but knowing what I did about the man, he wasn't the impulsive type. He was a strategic businessman. He planned, he manipulated, he bent others to his will. But he didn't fly off the handle. He was way too cold for that.
My head began to pound as I started driving through town. What else had I missed? Xavier had been sent to prison at the age of sixteen. He'd been subjected to a revenge beating orchestrated by my own father. His mother had mentioned my father ruining their lives, but it had been the other way around.
Right?
It was Xavier who'd ruined everyone's lives.
"Right?" I whispered.
It was one of those fucking gray areas that I hated, that I didn't understand. I found myself reaching for my phone again, but instead of dialing my mother’s number, I hit a different speed dial button. My assistant, Jules, picked up on the first ring. I’d dialed his cell phone, so instead of answering with a professional tone and the name of the office, he used his normal, slightly higher than average pitched voice. "Please tell me you’ve found me a cowboy of my very own," he drawled when he answered.
Jules was one of the few people who knew I was gay. It was pretty much the only thing we had in common. Whereas I was reserved and hid who I was from everyone, Jules was flamboyant and unabashed about his personal life. The only time he ever toned it down was when he was at the office. Even then, he had a tendency to wear a hint of makeup, and his dress shirts and socks were usually some flashy color that stood out among the more sedately dressed businessmen and women who worked for my father. I’d had to protect Jules on more than one occasion from my father's distaste, but fortunately, he usually just ignored Jules and dismissed him as a "weirdo."
I almost told Jules that I’d found myself the most amazing cowboy, but I managed to keep my mouth shut about that because it wasn’t really true. All I’d managed to find was a cowboy who was an amazing fuck. That wasn't something I particularly wanted to brag about. Especially considering how the last fuck had ended.
"Still looking," I murmured.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Jules said, his voice going all serious. He was as close to a best friend as I'd ever had. I didn't call him that because I wasn't very good at being friends with anyone, but I'd always liked it when he’d referred to me as his bestie. Jules was also someone I didn't feel the need to hide from all the time. He was as emotional, if not more so, than me. He was someone who was very dramatic and over the top, and I loved him for it. He'd never been ashamed to be exactly who he was. And he'd always encouraged me to drop the walls I’d built up, the ones I hid behind every day.