"I decided to get to the barn a little early. I needed to plan the stage for my seduction, you know?" I said with a wink.
Brooks chuckled and nodded.
My humor faded as I remembered the things that followed. "I smelled the smoke before I even saw the barn. But I didn't think much of it. I just figured someone was having a bonfire somewhere. But when I got closer, I could hear the horses screaming and I saw the orange flames shooting out from the roof. I was so fucking scared, Brooks. I'll never forget the way those animals sounded. I couldn't… I couldn’t leave them in there like that, to die that way. So I started running for the door. Someone came out at the same time that I was going in."
I swallowed hard because I never thought that I would say what I was about to say. I’d planned to take the secret to my grave. But I knew Brooks wouldn't tell anyone. It was like he’d said, he’d carry the weight with me so I no longer had to do it by myself.
"It was my mother, Brooks."
I waited for his reaction, but he didn't seem overly surprised. When I pointed that out, he said, "I knew it had to be someone you loved for you to take that on. That's what you did, right? You took the blame for everything to protect her. I figured it was either her or your father."
"My father was gone by then. He left that same day. My mother was devastated. She really did love him and even though he was a dick to me and everyone else, he treated her well."
"Why did he leave her?"
"Because he found out she was pregnant. And he knew there was no way the baby could be his. I guess he was on some kind of medication after I was born and it made him sterile," I said. "I don't really know the details. But there was no way the child she was carrying could be his."
This time, Brooks was surprised. "Do you know whose baby it was?"
I didn't answer, but I held his gaze. It took him a few seconds, but then he started to shake his head. "No," he said in disbelief. He looked away from me as he tried to process everything. When he finally returned his eyes to mine, he whispered, "My father?"
"Yeah," I said. "Sara is his child."
Brooks pulled in a deep breath and held it for a moment, as if he was trying to calm himself. I figured it was better to get the Band-Aid all the way off, rather than to let it dangle, so I added, "The affair had been going on for months. My mother told me about it afterward. She said that when she started working for your parents, your father began to pressure her for sex. When she refused, he threatened to fire both her and my father. Those jobs were the only thing keeping our family afloat. So she finally gave in."
Brooks climbed to his feet and began pacing around the small area. His anger matched what mine had been when I’d found out what James Cunningham had done to my mother.
"Finish it," Brooks practically demanded. His fists were clenched and I could see him trying to measure out the breaths he was taking.
"When I got to the barn and she came out, I didn't understand what was happening. She was crying and screaming that it had been an accident. I couldn't understand most of what she said, but there was no time. I told her to go because I didn't want her to get in trouble. I knew I had to get the horses out. My plan was to release them and get them out of the barn and then run. I just… I needed to protect her, Brooks."
Brooks stopped his pacing and turned to face me. Then he closed the distance between us and grabbed my face. "Of course you did. I'm so proud of you for doing that for her. But it scares the hell out of me that you went into the barn. Even now, knowing it all turned out okay, all I can think about is what if something had gone wrong. I would've lost you before I’d really found you." His agitation was clear, and I knew he was in the same place I'd been just hours earlier when I’d been so certain that I’d lost Brooks for good.
"I managed to get all the horses out, but just as I was getting ready to leave, I saw your father lying in the doorway of the tack room. There was blood coming from the back of his head. He was moaning. As much as I hated that man for what he’d done to my mother, I knew I couldn’t leave him there, so I dragged him out of the barn."