Jolene didn't respond at first, so I was certain my words had fallen on deaf ears, but then I saw her nod the tiniest of nods. I grabbed onto that because it was something, at least. I put my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her forward, murmuring, "Come here." She didn't hesitate to step forward into my embrace. Her arms were tight around me. "How about we go in and get cleaned up?" I suggested because I could feel her shaking. It wasn't super cold out, but if she’d been out there for a while, she definitely would've felt chilled.
I felt another tiny nod against my shoulder. I reached down and linked my fingers with her and then led her to the house. She was silent as I took her to the bathroom that was attached to her bedroom. She didn't protest my removing her clothes after I got the shower going. Her eyes looked blank and her moves were stiff as I helped her into the shower and under the warm spray of water. I quickly took off my own clothes and got in behind her. It wasn't until I began using a soapy washcloth to clean her that she broke.
Really broke.
A harsh sob tore free of her throat and it was quickly followed by another.
And another.
Her hands went up to cover her face as she cried. I dropped the washcloth and turned her so I could pull her into my arms. I suspected she was crying for a lot of things in her life, most of which I probably had no clue about. But at the moment, I didn't care. All that mattered was that some of those knots inside her were beginning to work free.
I just hoped they stayed that way.
Chapter 8
Jolene
"Go out on a date with me."
I was panting so hard that I wasn't sure I heard the words correctly. Zander was still buried deep inside me and my body was reflexively squeezing his cock as aftershocks jolted through me. He was breathing just as hard, so I wondered how he'd even found enough oxygen in his lungs to make any kind of conversation.
"What?" I asked.
"Go out on a date with me," he said again. It wasn't a command but rather a question without being an actual question. His voice was light and encouraging, but I was certain I heard a little bit of uncertainty too. I wondered if it was because he wasn’t sure about my answer or if he questioned whether asking me out on a date was a good idea. After all, we were still just hooking up.
Hookups could last thirty-six hours straight, right?
After my meltdown in the shower, Zander had cleaned me up and gotten me back into bed and just held me. We hadn't talked anymore, which I’d been glad about because my mind had been spinning. I no longer had any doubts that Zander enjoyed having sex with me and that whatever I was doing in bed pleased him. I'd always assumed that because Jackson hadn't enjoyed making love to me that it was something I'd been doing wrong. But Zander was proof that it hadn't only been about me.
I’d given a lot of thought to his comment about it needing to be two people to make a relationship work. Jackson had tried in some ways, but in other ways he hadn't. I'd spent so many years blaming myself for not being able to live up to the standards that had been set for me, first by my parents and then by the institution of marriage itself, that it was hard to accept that maybe I hadn't done everything wrong.
I'd been working hard to remind myself over and over that this thing with Zander was just about sex, but the question he’d just asked me blew all of that out of the water.
"Why?" I blurted before I could think better of it.
Zander seemed taken aback a moment, so I was quick to add, "I mean, we’re already here. In bed. We've, you know, a lot. You don't need to take me out to, you know, some more."
The smile that spread across Zander's face warmed my insides. "As much as I love ‘you knowing’ with you," he said with a grin, "I'd also like to spend some time with you outside of this bed. And as much as I love watching you play in the dirt, I think we should get out of here for a bit."
"Um, okay," I managed to say. All the nerves that had plagued me the first time we’d made love came roaring back. My date with Ted had been a disaster, but I reminded myself that Zander wasn't like that. But what if he found my company boring? What if I said stupid things?