That explained why I hadn’t seen much of Nolan at church.
Nolan settled his wine glass on the coffee table and then turned back to me. “Who was the first guy you kissed?”
That was a topic I definitely didn’t want to discuss, so I pointed at him and wrote, You tell me first.
“His name was Anderson. Yeah, that was his first name,” he said, his eyes bright. “His family was super rich and well-known – like the Kennedys or something. He was at Juilliard because he was planning on being an actor. Anyway, we met at this orientation thing and started talking while we were waiting for the tour we were on to start. About fifteen minutes into the tour, he pulls me into this room and just lays one on me. I was so surprised, I don’t think I even reacted. I think he was surprised, too, because he kept telling me it was a mistake and not to tell anyone. He ran back to join the tour and never talked to me again.”
I couldn’t help but let my eyes drift to Nolan’s mouth and think what a waste his first kiss had been.
I typed, He was a fool.
Nolan shot me a goofy grin. “Agreed. What about yours?”
I shook my head.
“Come on, I told you mine.”
I sighed and pointed at him.
“No, I already went,” he said.
I shook my head and pointed at him again. But for once, he didn’t get what I was saying. I picked up the tablet.
You was all I typed.
His brow furrowed in confusion. It took him about five long seconds to finally get it.
“What?” he choked out.
You were my first kiss, Nolan.
“What?” he said, his voice going high and loud. “So that night in the truck was the first time you-”
I shook my head. God, I didn’t want to do this. But I knew I didn’t have a choice.
No, I’ve had sex with men before, I’ve just never kissed any of them.
Not surprisingly, Nolan was confused. “I don’t understand.”
I pulled in a breath. My first time was with a guy I met in a club in the Twin Cities when I was around twenty-one or so. I fucked him in the alley behind the club, then I left. I never even knew his name. None of us were in that place for romance, if you know what I mean.
“Oh,” Nolan murmured as understanding dawned. “Do you do that a lot? Just…hook up?”
Humiliation swamped me as I nodded my head and dropped the tablet on the cushion between us. I made a move to stand, but Nolan grabbed my wrist.
“Dallas, wait, please. I’m sorry, I wasn’t judging.”
His hold on me was firm and I didn’t want to inadvertently hurt him, so I settled back down. But I couldn’t look at him.
“Dallas,” Nolan whispered, and then his hands were on my face. “You’re just so beautiful and kind and amazing and…it hurts to know that you’ve never had anyone show you…” Nolan’s words dropped off. He muttered a curse word under his breath and then pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m messing this up,” he said softly.
I let my hands cover his wrists where he was holding my face. We stayed like that for several beats before Nolan released me and sat back. He remained close enough that our legs were still touching.
“So how was I?” he asked, a small grin spreading across his mouth.
I rolled my eyes at him and then brought my hand up and held it flat in the air and shook it a little each way.
“So-so?” Nolan said in mock outrage. He fell silent for a moment and when he next spoke, his voice had gone heavy with seriousness. “I guess I should try to improve my score.”
And just like that, the lust that had been simmering in my belly exploded. I fisted my hands to keep from reaching for him, but it was a wasted effort because Nolan was the one to lean forward. He stopped just before his mouth met mine. “Can I, Dallas?”
There was nothing on earth that could have kept me from nodding.
Nolan let out a soft breath right before he covered my mouth with his. His hand came up to gently grab my neck and I wanted to cry when I felt his thumb softly grazing over the scars on my throat. I expected him to seek entry into my mouth, but instead, he closed his lips over my lower lip, then my upper, then he just pressed one gentle kiss after another against my mouth, his lips firm but soft against mine. He kept up the pattern until I was panting against him. I’d wrapped my arms around his waist at some point and he’d ended up practically in my lap. So when he pulled back just a little, there wasn’t much room for him to go since I didn’t want to release him.