Isaac was quiet for a moment and I fully expected him not to tell me. It was a big ask. But I didn’t know how else to make it clear that what we’d just done hadn’t just been about sex. That he meant more to me than that. I was afraid if I told him how I really felt, he’d run for sure. I could feel it there, just beneath the surface–the inherent fear of trusting someone else besides himself and his brother, of caring about someone else, of letting them care for him. But maybe if I could tell him without telling him…
He didn’t speak for a long time and I figured that was his way of telling me we weren’t there yet, but when he whispered, “Aaron,” I felt the tension in my chest ease.
“Aaron,” I repeated. It occurred to me then that I didn’t know his last name, but I wasn’t going to push on that one.
Not yet.
“Can I ask Newt to tell me his?” I said softly.
He nodded against my chest.
We were both quiet for a really long time and I actually thought he’d fallen asleep when he all of a sudden whispered, “Don’t hurt him, Maddox. Please.”
He’d said him, but I knew what he’d really meant to say.
Us.
Don’t hurt us.
“I won’t, baby. Not ever.”
Isaac didn’t respond other than to close his fingers around my dog tags and curl into my chest. But that in itself was response enough.
Chapter Eighteen
Isaac
Will you tell me what happened that day?” I asked as I fingered Maddox’s dog tags. After two weeks of spending nearly every night in Maddox’s arms, the little stamped pieces of metal were becoming more of a familiar comfort rather than an object of fascination. I’d already memorized his blood type and religion along with the ten-digit number that Maddox had said was some kind of Department of Defense identifier. I’d asked him about his religion one night after making love and that was when he’d told me about his parents. I’d been surprised to learn his father had been a one-time televangelist and his mother had been a B movie actress. He’d spoken fondly of his early years with his parents, but something had clearly changed in the later years and while he hadn’t said it out loud, I had a feeling that the alcohol that had played a role in the accident that had ultimately killed his parents and maimed his brother had also been the reason for his childhood turning into something negative rather than positive.
Despite the fact that Maddox and I were at a point where we seemed to know one another’s bodies better than we knew our own, we’d been careful about the subjects we’d discussed.
Well, I’d been careful.
Maddox had been more open.
He’d tried several times to broach the topic of my past, but I’d adamantly remained silent on the matter, so he hadn’t pushed. But I knew it was just a matter of time. For my part, I was trying to pretend Newt and I would be leaving any day now, but here we were, two weeks later, and I still couldn’t find my way out of Maddox’s arms… or bed.
But nights at his house were all we had, because I refused to engage with him at the sanctuary while we were working.
Not because I was embarrassed or worried about people finding out about us, but because I thought that by pretending that Maddox and I only had a physical relationship, it would make it that much easier just to pack up the car and leave.
So far, I hadn’t even managed to pack our bags, let alone the car. If anything, Newt and I were settling more comfortably into Dallas and Nolan’s house. To make matters worse, Maddox had recently started accepting the invitations Dallas had extended for him to join us for dinner. Which meant he was spending more and more time not only in my company, but Newt’s as well.
And Newt was loving every moment of it.
Maddox had become his new hero and since all of the kittens and most of the cats had been adopted, Newt was following Maddox around the sanctuary during the day and helping him out with different projects, which Maddox didn’t seem to mind even a little bit. Newt had confided in me only a few nights ago that he’d told Maddox his middle name, then he’d asked me if Maddox was going to be his dad or his brother.
So clearly, Maddox and I weren’t fooling anyone in terms of our relationship.
But try as I might, I couldn’t stay away from him.
And so little of it actually had to do with the sex.
It was phenomenal sex, of course, but it was the moments afterwards that I craved.
Like now.
“It was a roadside bomb outside Mosul. We’d just finished our last mission and I was driving,” Maddox began. “The guys were celebrating, but still watchful, you know?” he said.