Then I was all over the man like a cheap suit.
Cam had respected that I wasn’t ready for public displays of affection, so it was no surprise that he’d released my hand before I’d had to pull it free.
The Kent household was chaotic as usual with Newt, Sawyer, and Dallas playing some kind of video game with race cars. Maddox, Nolan, and Isaac were fixing dinner. Loki was lying with Puddles in the living room. He was rolling around on his back like he was trying to get her attention. As usual, the little mixed-breed tramp was playing hard to get. But this time, the minx had added something… or someone, rather, to her plan to make Loki work for her attention. The kitten, Snot, was dozing between her paws and Puddles was licking him gently. I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture so I could show it to Walter when we went to see him the following day.
“Can I help?” I asked as I tucked my phone away. I would have liked to take pictures of all the men, but I was too afraid that someone would see the photos. As it was, I’d need to delete the picture of the dogs and kitten after I showed Walter.
I was nervous that my brief absence would be called out, but if the men had noticed, they didn’t comment on it. And when Isaac asked, “Would you mind setting the table?” I felt my heart lurch in my chest. All the other times Cam and I had been here, they’d treated us both like guests and hadn’t let us lift a finger to set up for dinner or clean up afterwards.
“Of course,” I quickly said. I reached for the stack of plates on the counter. The weight of them actually felt good in my hands… so different than just four plates like at home.
When I turned to move to the table, Cam was there. He sent me a subtle grin, like he knew what I was thinking. Then he was grabbing the silverware. We worked together in silence to set the table. When Sawyer invited Cam to replace him in the game so Sawyer could return a phone call, I saw my man leap into action. He was a phenom on the fake racetrack, but at the last moment he feigned mechanical problems and let little Newt win.
I stared at him in stunned silence as something happened to me I couldn’t explain… that I didn’t understand.
Oh, fuck, no.
No, no, no.
“You okay?” Nolan asked. His hand brushed my arm.
“I’m in love with him,” I breathed. I knew I’d said the words out loud but that was how far gone I was as the realization sank deep into my bones. Thankfully, we were too far from the men in the living room for Cam to have heard me. The trio started up another game.
“Yeah, and?” Nolan said gently.
I looked at him in surprise. That was it?
Logically, I knew the men must know about me and Cam, but having this life-changing moment was messing with my head big time.
“I can’t be in love with him,” I said.
Nolan took my arm and led me a little bit away from the group and down the hallway by the stairs. I was glad he’d moved us because I felt like I was going to have a fucking heart attack.
I was surprised when Nolan didn’t respond with something simple like, “Why not?” Instead, he said, “Ford, look at me.”
I did.
His eyes were bright pools of green-blue. “Wherever you are in that head of yours right now, just do me one favor, please?”
I somehow managed a nod.
“Start with the reasons you can, then deal with all the rest of the shit.” I saw Nolan glance in the direction of the living room. “I know it’s hard to believe, impossible even, but after you get through that list – and trust me, it’s going to turn out to be a really, really long list – then you can deal with all the voices in your head saying you can’t.”
The idea seemed impossible to me because even as we were talking, all I could think about was my mother’s face when she saw Cam and me together for the first time… assuming it even got that far.
Which it wouldn’t.
I’d be given the choice and that would be it. If I chose Cam, it would be like I’d slipped under the water that day so long ago.
And if Cam didn’t want me, there’d be no way in hell I could pull myself out of that icy water. There’d be no box big enough to hide the truth in anymore.
I’d be alone.
I wouldn’t even have friends like Nolan and his perfect little family because they’d choose the better man… they’d choose Cam.