“Okay,” I said as I choked back tears. “Okay,” I repeated, then I was seeking out Cam’s arms. I felt him kiss the top of my head. I took a moment to collect myself before turning around to face the men. Newt was still singing.
“All good, Newt,” I yelled loud enough so he could hear and gave him a thumbs-up when he stopped singing and dropped his hands from his ears. He returned my thumbs-up. I looked at the men. “I know you’ve been holding dinner for a few minutes,” I said. “But can it wait just a little longer? I want to show Cam something.”
“Absolutely, take your time,” Isaac said.
“Well, take some time,” Nolan corrected as he pointedly looked at Isaac and Maddox. “We’ve had to give these two an actual time limit when they excuse themselves from the table in the middle of a meal.”
“That’s ’cause Mad has to pee a lot and Isaac has to call someone,” Newt said as he rounded the island and pushed against Maddox’s side. The big man lifted him up. Isaac blushed furiously.
The rest of us laughed. “It will only be a couple of minutes, I promise,” I said. Though now that Nolan had put the idea of a little alone time with Cam in my head, I was finding it hard to get rid of. Then it hit me that I wasn’t having any kind of issue with the fact that the entire group of men were expecting that Cam and I had that kind of relationship. Yes, I’d “outed” myself in front of them when I’d left the house with Sawyer, but it was only now sinking in that it didn’t bother me in the least that I’d been so open with Cam around others when a half hour ago, I’d been terrified at the prospect of them seeing him even brushing up against me.
It was almost too much to process.
But I would… later, when it was just me and Cam and we could really talk. That was when I’d tell him that I loved him.
I felt my stomach dance with nerves as I considered what that moment would be like. I wasn’t so much afraid of his reaction as much as I wasn’t sure what would happen afterwards. I knew I needed to change things when it came to my family… I needed to tell them the truth and then I needed to tell Cam how far gone Jimmy really was. I’d tell him about the drugs and the theft from his employer and all the times he’d stolen from me. I’d tell Cam, the sheriff, not Cam, the man I was in a relationship with. I wasn’t going to spend another second protecting Jimmy just to keep my family intact. It was a terrifying prospect that as early as tomorrow I could be officially homeless, but somehow seeing myself in that mirror had shown me that I wasn’t that little kid who’d fallen through the ice so many years ago. Or the scared teenager who’d hurt someone he’d loved and then dared to dream about becoming a different, better person. Like Gentry, I’d been trapped by a life I hadn’t chosen, but that ability to trust, to hope, still existed.
It just didn’t exist with the people who shared my blood.
But it was still there.
I was glad when Cam didn’t question me as I led him from the house, stopping only long enough to let him grab his coat. We passed Sawyer on the path coming up from Gentry’s enclosure. He held out his palm to me and I gripped his hand briefly as we went by each other. My other hand was wrapped around Cam’s, but he didn’t say anything about what had happened between Sawyer and me.
Because he trusted me.
Because he believed in me.
Because he knew I would never betray him in any kind of way.
I squeezed his fingers in a silent thank-you. He tugged me closer to him in response.
We didn’t see Gentry as we hurried down to the small animal building. I smiled when Cam once again opened the door for me. He hadn’t seen the mural yet, which just made the moment all the better.
“Holy fuck,” Cam breathed when we reached the wall. He dropped my hand and moved closer to it as his eyes took in the scene I’d painted.
I let my eyes drift over the image as if seeing it for the first time myself. I wasn’t, of course, but in some ways it was like I was.
The left side of the wall was covered in intricate, twisted branches making up a deep, dark forest that looked dangerous and menacing. Nearly all of the permanent residents of the sanctuary were making their way out of the edge of the forest and were facing the bright, open field ahead. On the right of the wall was a sunny glade – green, lush grass dotted with colorful wildflowers. Gentry stood closest to the cool, clear water of the lake on the right, but he was looking over his shoulder as if to beckon the other animals out of the darkness of the forest and into the sun. I'd nestled little secrets all over the mural. There were tiny butterflies and hidden lake trout, four-leaf clovers, and Jerry’s infamous smirk. Snot was mid-leap as if getting ready to pounce on a pinecone, and Loki sat serenely at the edge of the forest watching it all unfold. There was room for new animals in the picture, and I realized I’d subconsciously left those spots empty because I’d wanted a reason to come back and add to the mural… to add the new residents who would ultimately find their own sanctuary at the home Dallas Kent had created for them and that the rest of his family worked so hard to keep.